Posted by: sally | 2008/08/04

worried about husband

My husbands mother died last year august. in feb he had a blood transfusion as he had bleeding ulcer. 2 months ago he had a hearh attack. got 3stent plus balloon. now the other day he told me that his mother came to him and ask him to go with her, but he told her that he is okay she dont have to worry about him, I am really worried as he told this to my mother also. He really believes that she want him to die to go with her. He said she came to him twice already begging him to go with her. Is this a sub consience mind thing, do i need to be worried, this saturday coming she will be gone a year. he told me that he wants to be alone saturday, he dont want anybody near him, it will be his time to grieve about her.
I am really worried as he look very down lately.
we are married for 12 years and all these years he use to say if his mother die one day then he wil also die. I dont know what kind of relationship they had.his family is not here as he is from namibia. but he were never close with them, he was only close with his mother.his father died when he was 16 years old, he never talks about his father. when his mother were alive I always thought about there relationship.she cared for him the most of all her children. please help as this is really affecting my marraige as he wont go for councelling.he dont believe in it he say

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Our expert says:
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Its not the healthiest possible evidence that he's ready to get well right now. But talk about it, gently, with him, and explore what he thinks it means, and why he doesn't see it as even more important to get well and be around to assist and support you and his family. Maybe it would help him to see a counsellor, some of whom have good experience of helping people deal with grief. Its always so sad when someone who obviously mneeds counselling refuses on the silly argument that they "don't believe in it". That's like saying that they don't believe in surgery, even if they have appendicitis. What he probably means is that he doesn't believe that he NEEDS it, and one can only gently nudge him in that direction

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