Posted by: Q | 2007/08/10


Hi CS,

For the last month a very agressive growth has come out on my face and it is realy troubling me. So I went to the doc and he said that this was a canceris growth and needed to be removed. I went for a second oppinion and this doc said it was only a small infection of a gland and although it still needs to be removed it is not a health risk. The thing is I am stressing out big time and I dont know how to handel this. I do not want my wife or son seeing me this vonarable and scared. I am the dad and man of the house the unbrakeble and unshakeble one, BUT I AM REALY VERY SCARED!!! Please give me something to help!

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Our expert says:
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Yes, it gets confusing and worrying when you get conflicting opinions. And if there is even the possibility of a cancer, any sensible person feels scared. Clearly, what is needed is to have the growth properly removed, by a good local surgeon, treating it as though it might be cancerous, and ensuring that the tissue removed is sent to a good lab as a biopsy for careful study under the microscope, which can decide clearly whether or not it is cancerous --- if so, what type it is, and if not, what else it is. Fortunately though skin cancers are quite common on the face, they are usually benign or at least slow to become really nasty, and can usually be cleared up more easily than you might expect.
And Maria is oh so right about using this situation to benefit all of you. lets move beyond that old-fashioned and mischievous idea that men are supposed to never be afraid --- only extremely stupid people might not be afraid. It is sensible to be at least somewhat afraid in risky situations, and used properly this is a source of strength than enables us to deal witht he risks correctly rather than dangerously ignoring them. let your son learn the more valuable lesson that real men DO feel afraid when the situation deserves it, but that they cope and face their fears --- and that they are brave enough to ask for and enjoy the support of family and friends when they need it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2007/08/10

Hello Q. It is very distressing when the so-called experts don't agree about an important health issue. Why don't you have to growth removed as soon as possible and insist that they test it for cancerous cells? Then you will know for sure.

As for having to be strong all the time... you don't have to be. Really. I know that men were traditionally brought up to have a "stiff upper lip", but the reality is that all of us sometimes need support. It is better to be able to bend under pressure and bounce back again, than to try and hold firm until you break. Perhaps the best thing you can do for your son is to show him that it is ok to be vulnerable and to ask for help sometimes. Speak to your wife, tell her how you feel. Family and marriage is about supporting each other.

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