Posted by: Dopey | 2005/12/14


My husband keeps a gun under his pillow. He is bedridden and says it his way to make himself feel safe. He is alone at home most of the time. Not only were our neighbours on the one side were highjacked and a couple of weeks later they were burgled, the neighbours on ou other other side recently also had a burglary. I don’t want to make an issue out of it and tell him that I rather see keeping the gun undere his pillow as a potential method for him to end his life. I don't want to give him ideas. I distribute his medication so that isn’t a problem at least. He takes antidepressants but I think it isn’t enough to control his depression. It isn’t possible to take him to a doctor. It is difficult to describe to any doctor telephonically how he is really feeling. I’ve managed to get him the antidepressants, but the doctors are hesitant to increase the dose. The time is running out because I’m going to hand the gun in at the end of the month. I detest guns. What should I do? He is very strongwilled and I’m no match for him. Whatever happens I will feel responsible.

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Our expert says:
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Sorry to ehar of this D, you have been placed in an awful position. In the crime-ridden state of our society, and with the legendary incompetence of ou ploice and justice systems, it makes sense for a bed-ridden person to want to have a weapon available for self-defence. But of course when that person is depressed and a suicide risk, the presence of such a weapon is a serious risk to his life, too.
FIO's response makes a lot of sense --- one has a natural and laudable urge to protect, but also needs to respect his own right to make his own decisions about his life. In the end, I agree with FIO. Would an enhanced home protection burglar alarm system help, too ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/12/14

Good response from FIO. I agree 100%.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/14

Tough one. You know the value of self defence, especially since there have been so many incidents of crime around you. Believe me, I know. I was shot ion an armed robbery after the buggers tied me up! I still dont carry a gun, because if I did, I know there would be a couple more dead people in this world, particularly taxi drivers!

You may detest guns, because you fear them. Dont fear the gun, fear the person holding the gun. So, what you fear is your hubby doing something to himself.

Whatever happens, you say you will feel responsible. If he has no gun, and the place is robbed while you are out, and he cannot defend himself, you'll feel responsible. If he decides oneday he's had enough of this kak life, you'll feel responsible too? Why? Why would you feel responsible for his decisions? Forget the gun, we are talking about his decisions about his life.

I am sure that even if you took the gun away, and he wanted to die, he would find a way. Strongwilled you say he is. At least that would be his choice, for which you would not be responsible. But what if someone came into the house, and took his life while he was not ready to go, all because he could not defend himself? That would certainly make you feel terrible, because you denied him choice to defend himself.

So dont take the gun, just keep looking after him as a loving wife, and support whatever decisions he chooses to make, because he is the one bedridden, not you.

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