Posted by: Susan | 2008/10/22

Word of advice please...

I am in my mid 30' s and r being treated for Mood disorder since 2004 when I had a breakdown. Have been " fine"  since. I have a 8 year old daught with ADD who is working very hard, and my heart is breaking for this child. Its near year end, but she is so so tired. I have been working for my current employer for 1.5 years but the company is in financial distress and this causes a lot of tention at work. I am studing after hours (Unisa) and exams is in 3 weeks. To top this all, I NOW have to resign on Monday and start a NEW job, loose my 4 weeks leave in December and work for another 12 months before I can take leave - I am truly so tired and stressed out I dont now what to do. There is just now way I can itake a breakfrom my child, my studies or not take the new job. I feel trapped and dont know what to do!! I have a very good husband with a steady job (for 20 years) so he can not resign and look for a better salary,but as kind as he is, he does not understand. I feel teriible because I am verbally abusing him now - and he says nothing (poor man) and that irritates me even more! So to top it all, now there is tention between us as well. Please just give me an idea of what to do x

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're both under stress, and you are tending to take it out on him. OZA's comments are useful --- discuss these situations together and work on a common, shared, plan to eal with them. Changing to a new job can be stressful, but can also bring benefits that over-all reduce stress. Look for the positive aspects of the different issues, not only the negative

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: OZA | 2008/10/23

You need to try and change your perception on how you see things don’ t see things as negatives and as being a problem, see them for what they are challenges these issues are there to make you a better person not a bad person.
I you see things as bad and causing you problems you will have problems have a look at the following it’ s a little long but try it

Discover the 90/10 Principle.
It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is
decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which
throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the
other 90%.
How? … … … .By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don' t let people fool
you  YOU can control how you react.
Let' s use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee
onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in
tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup
too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs
and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy
crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your
daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph
speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your
daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20
minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it
continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse
and daughter.
Why? … . Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “ D" .
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5
seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, " Its ok
honey, you just need to be more careful next time" . Grabbing a towel you rush
upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time
to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and
waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss
comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was
determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something
negative about you, don' t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You
don' t have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a
friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound
on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you
curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time
into finding another job.
The plane is late  it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour
frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It
will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and
apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and
heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!

Reply to OZA

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.