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Posted by: Joan | 2006/11/02

womens opinoins

I would just like to know other womens point of views on my situation and give advice if any, i don't want to leave this man!
I moved in with him about 2 months ago and for the first few weeks everything was wonderful we cooked together cleaned together even did washing together, Lateley he can't wait to get home from work bath and go of to his friends he comes home to a clean house has supper thats waiting for him and then gets into bed and plays playstation till all hours of the morning he seldom tries anything with me and when he does i say no because im tired. The same goes for weekends he even cuts our shopping short so that he can come home get on his motorbike go to his friends and smoke weed.
Im totally against the weed thing so he wont do it at home, i can't speak to him about it because then i get told im sitting on his head and its his life i cannot tell him what to do.
I spent the whole weekend doing washing by hand because we don't have a washing machine but it didn't all dry because it rained and now i have to rewash it cos it muffed.
I've gone really depressed because of this whole situation what do i do to make him help me out a bit. I havn't cleaned the house for the last 3 days not even the dishes and it looks like a bomb has hit it, it doesn't seem to be bugging him and i've been going to my friends aswell but get told i better make sure im home before he is which is bugging me.
I know there aren't other women where he goes because my friend owns the place and he is friends with my friends son who works with him aswell. He is 20 and im 22 we got along really great in the beginning but things are going down hill but why? and how can i fix it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Haven't you created every man's dream life --- a live-in servant who does all the work, and provides free sex as well, and yet allows him to live like an irresponsible bachelor ? Why would he want to change a situation that must suit him so very well ? He's a boy, not a man yet --- don't you deserve better than this ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: slr | 2006/11/03

haha, you are a free maid!!

do you also bath and dress him?

Reply to slr
Posted by: Just me | 2006/11/02

If you love something set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if not it never was.

Really worth your while?

Reply to Just me
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

Echelle thats a better deal than what she has at the mo.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

I got an idea.... You clean Monday-he goes out to friends, he clean Tuesday-you go out with freinds, none of you clean Wednesday-you spend time together! Thursday-you clean-he goes out to friends, Friday-etc. Isn't that a great idea? HEHE

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

OMD i think its also coz us women put up with the shit older men have there own issues in the sence that they are stuck in there ways but on the up side they do know how to treat a lady.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Old man's darling. | 2006/11/02

I know a person shouldn't junge overall, but I had too many experiences like that with men my age or younger. Now I'm going to marry a man 18 years older than me. People judge me and tell me I only want a sugar daddy, truth is, men of our generation have no backbone and treat woman like shit.(Excuse the language). I'd rather be and old man's darling than a young mans slave!

Reply to Old man's darling.
Posted by: Joan | 2006/11/02

"for some or other reason" meaning to dash off to his freinds or go smoke weed or something.
Echelle - his paying for a manicure and a new washing machine, i have mentioned the maid thing before but he says our house isn't big enough and we can handle it, my response was yeah right.
I do work a full day and so does he so i understand him wanting to get out a bit and enjoy himself so now im doing the same my point is why should i make an effort and use my time to clean our house when he uses his time to relax with his friends, anyway hopefully we gonna relax together tonight.
Thanks for all the help greatly appreciated.

Reply to Joan
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

think about it from this angle. the novilty has worn off. when you were just dating how offten did you see eachother, if everyday he figures well you still see him everyday so whats the problem and if you didnt see him everyday he now sees it as now you do. he is carrying on with his life as usual and you are wanting to play house. remember you are not married and even if you were my last post still stands. but he might not understand what the problem is coz he always used to go home and play playstation after leaving your place now he is just doing what he always does not realising that you have a problem with it. he always went out with his friends you guysneed to negociate what your expectations are of eachother. and take it from there he needs to realise that if he were on his own he would need to cook for himself and now that you do it it mustnt be expected and if he was on his own he would wash his own clothes, so why coz you are there its your job, you need to work together on this and get him to understnad it from day one. its nt imposible it just takes communication tell him what you expected and how you see that its not the case and he must do the same and please still go out with your firends. dont stay at home and play wifey.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/02

It means he may cut it short to run off to his friends.
Joan, tell him straight that if he wants all these things done, he needs to get a maid, cause you are not one, unless he pays you (and he must remember that a live in maid with added benefits is EXTREMELY costly) Good Luck Babe!

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Well, he's willing to pay for your manicure, so he's not that bad! He may be childish, but not that bad

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2006/11/02

'for some or other reason'..what does that mean?

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Rather enjoy the walk, let him pay for someone two times a week, that is if you have a day job.

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

deal with the issues now befor they get worse. also remember living together doesnt mean that you have to stop living your lives and im not being ugly its just what i see happening all around me. including in my own life, you need to maintain contact with your friends and not allow each other to become solely dependant on eachother. its not as easy as its made out to be liveing with someone.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Joan | 2006/11/02

I know what his reply will be he'll say i must go then he will go to his friends and i must let him know when i get home then he'll come home.
I just spoke to him a few minutes ago and his gonna walk with me tonight along the river by our house oh and i brought up the subject that his gonna have to pay for me to get my nails done at a salon because the washing powder is ruining my hands so his gonna buy me one this weekend, but why must i tell him i need one before he will buy one can't he see it himself. Maybe i'll bring up the whole issue tonight while we walking at the river and try and talk to him. Thats if its not cut short "for some or other reason"

Reply to Joan
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

why not ask him to go once a week to the laundromat to do the washing. or you both go.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2006/11/02

oh..just scanned through your post again, and what do you know!! There it is, the nagging witch part "im sitting on his head and its his life i cannot tell him what to do"...I hope for your sake that he changes his attitude towards you, otherwise you're just gonna get more and more depressed..

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/02

I meant I have an older man and I love him to death!

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2006/11/02

Okay then...

Wow, I feel sorry for you..my bf was the same way, though you know men, they don't want to do the cleaning and the washing etc..but neither do I!..okay I do clean but not all the time, but he got his mom's live in housekeeper to help once or twice a week..

It helps, alot..I spoke to him and told him that I don't have any time to myself and I'm losing it with having to do all the dishes and mopping tiles etc (doing the washing with your hands?? - my heart breaks for you!!!) and he took note..he does nothing himself, but getting someone to help was his way of helping me out..

Your bf sounds very selfish..sorry..and I say this not because I think I know everything, but from personal experience - I had a bf (years ago) that was a weed head and we could never communicate well..so chances are he's just gonna make you feel like a nagging witch when you say something about it..

I think you're better off on you own..lose the kid..

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Joan | 2006/11/02

kate, how do you deal with him, don't you get fed - up or depressed doing it all youself, i don't wanna change him i love him to bits i just wanna make things easier.

Reply to Joan
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Okay, uhmm, not that it makes any difference... It's his personality, so he will always be that way!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/02

Hear hear Echelle!!!! I second that!!! I got one of those and I love him to death!

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Why do you think women always choose men older?

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

he is the shrink for a reason, he is right. and quite frankly to ask your bf to change his ways is unfair coz he isnt ready to. utherwise he wouldnt be like this,. he tried it for a while and it didnt work. either you start expecting more from him and maybe have him resent you or you move on, best you tell him its not acceptible and that it must come right or you leave or you live with it.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/02

You said it all, he is a child, not a man and youre playing mommy.

Reply to Kate

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