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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2005/06/30

Women out there please respond...whats the solution

Why is is that women are expected to be Superwoman? I work full day, run my home, am a mom and a wife. I never have time or money for myself as there are always someone else's needs in the family coming first. I feel old before my time and streched in all directions. Life for me is working ...at work, working at home. I am tired and despondent. Men, no matter how good a husband and father they are, seem to be selfish What do you think??

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Our users say:
Posted by: Scarlet | 2005/07/01

No matter how good of a husband/partner/father or provder they are, the reality is that most of them are self centered, selfish and so absorbed in themselves it's unbelievable..

I am single and i have a 13yr old son, and my female friends who are either living with the b/friends or married complain about how lazy their partners are. My one friend who works a full day and has a 1 yr old son...told me once, that when her partner walks though the front door in the evenings he WANTS his supper.....it took all my strength to restrain myself not to slap her.....and that is just the tip of the iceberg...she does not get to bed b4 12pm every night as she has so much things to do to prepare for the next day, while he sits and relaxes in front of the TV. She is so tired that when she sits down for 5min she falls asleep and guess what..he complains to her that she sleeps to much..I can go on and on....Its sad that the mother/wife will always sacrifice financially to provide for their families...but the husband/father will not bat an eyelid in spending the money to cater for his every whim..(i have seen this happen so i am not sucking this out my thumb).

In my opinion (and please correct me if i am wrong), that you CHOOSE to be treated like that...men and children are oppotunists, if you allow it they will do it....We need to stand up for ourselves Ladies...put your foot down....long gone are the days when we were expected to be 'barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen'...Partners/husbands along with the kids should be helping out in the house equally....

I strongly believe that if we are happy, content and most importantly feel good about ourselves, then our families will be happy and content....So, dont be shy, spoil yourself a little...go for a hairdo, buy a new top/pair of shoes, a massage, manicure anything...and if you look around..this can be done relatively cheap. I have proven this to myself actually "if you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside"

Remember...you deserve it!!!!!!

Reply to Scarlet
Posted by: caz | 2005/07/01

strange.....I don't have this problem. House is always neat and tidy. Have lots of time for myself, my hobbies, and lazing in front of the telly.

O yes, I am not married.

Reply to caz
Posted by: CJ | 2005/07/01

I have the same problem with my fiance! In fairness he does try for awhile, then old habits come back.
He used to leave his clothes on the floor instead of the wash basket, and I would run around picking them up. Then I had enough and left it, needless to say, when he had nothing to wear, it was all shoved in the basket!

In our house we have a rule, I cook, he washes up, he vacums and mop. We also alternate who gets up in the morning to do breakfast etc.

Reply to CJ
Posted by: Chelle | 2005/06/30

PS - As for cooking, if you cook, he does the dishes. If he doesn't do the dishes, then you can't cook tomorrow because there are no clean dishes and so he doesn't get supper.
The idea is that there has to be consequences to his actions. While you let him take advantage of you, he will.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Chelle | 2005/06/30

first of all you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Try come to an agreement about the chores you will both do, and stick to it. If he doesn't do his chores, don't do them for him. Only do the stuff you agree upon. Don't nag him to do what he is meant to do. Just don't do it.
Set some time aside to have another discussion in a couple of weeks to discuss how effective it has been. If this doesn't work, then simply Go on strike. Let the house become a mess. And let him wallow in his own mess. Keep a little corner clean for yourself. Don't invite anyone over (so that you don't feel embarrassed). And if he still doesn't get off his lazy ass, then FIRE HIM - he isn't worth it if he doesn't care about your well being.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Dixi | 2005/06/30

One word applies to me, delegate, Ive also tried to be super woman, but it doesnt work, you ll just get burnt out. When we got married, I also always had to pick up behind my hubby, till one day, i just kicked the clothes under the bed, till he came and asked where is this item or that item then I would just say, look under the bed, till he got the message, but I understand what you are saying, its work all day, rush home, make supper, bath kids, feed animals, bed time for kids, read story, etc etc, I also am so tired when its bed time..... and money wise its always first kids, then hubby, then home, and then myself.... Aye never ends...

Reply to Dixi
Posted by: LIZ | 2005/06/30

I used to throw my exs' socks on the floor, in a hidden bin, and when he was at the end of his resources well I told him where to find it and since that day no more on the floor.
Its annoying but dont waste too much energy on that, ask yourself is the feeling worth the fight?

Reply to LIZ
Posted by: Powerpuff | 2005/06/30

and the time planning gets me - like, boil the kettle and run the bath at the same time - -dont go bath and then wait for the kettle to boil. or am I just a tad impatient anf high strung? grrrrr.

Reply to Powerpuff
Posted by: True | 2005/06/30

They are so self centred. No matter what. For instance my fiance booked us in a hotel last nite, with our 4 year old. In the morning I had to bath myself and the baby, make sure that all our staff is packed up, make sure the child has breakfast and her medication... and get the bags to the car.

Cool he spoilt us by booking us into the Wanderers... but that doesnt mean I have to be a slave. I had only 30 minutes to do that, and all he did wash to wash himself and start rushing everyone. I didnt even put on my make up properly as he was telling us to hurry!! So unfair!!!!!!

I am also coming back as a man in my next life!!

Reply to True
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/06/30

Anon, only you expect you to be superwoman. Household chores should be split fairly amongst you, hubby and children (even little ones need to learn the basics, i.e. making their beds, helping with dishes, vacuuming etc.). Stop doing so much for everyone else, and take time and money for yourself. If you're looked after you will have so much more to give to your family. And if you can't get everything done today, tomorrow is another day. A clean house is great, but good relationships are better.

Nina, you are not lazy, I am also a mother like you, children must help out in the house. It is for their own good.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: powerpuff | 2005/06/30

with all due respect to your mom Liz, if I did not do it the place would look like ten bombs had hit it - with a dh that just dumps his clothes and shoes where he stands, does not throw sweet papers away but just where he stands....

(perhaps had I moved in with him before hand I would have known, lol!)

Reply to powerpuff
Posted by: liz | 2005/06/30

Only have yourself to blame, my mom used to say the willing heart takes the burden.

Reply to liz
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/06/30

hi there

if you allow yourself to have those high standard you only have yourself to blame if you fail
no person can be super woman you can only do that much each day and if you neglect yourself you eventually neglect your family becuase you feel negative and irritated

since i'm divorced i've become very selfish and independant - and although it's not execive i often feel guilty for not doing enough for the kids and others - but then again they must learn to keep their rooms tidy, wash the bath , cook a meal... am i lazy for not doing it or am i being a good mother by allowing the kids to take responsibility?

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/06/30

In my next life I'm coming back as a man .....

Can I sent my dh to you for training?

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: applesugar | 2005/06/30

TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ....its that simple and get him to do things around the house. Myne does and it really help life out.

E.g packing the dishwasher (doing the dishes). making breakfast in the mornings ect etc unless you speak out asking him to help you - you'll never get any where.

Reply to applesugar

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