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Question
Posted by: Sally | 2007/06/01

Women Clothes

Yesterday when I was "looking" in one my partners bags, I found women clothes, shoes and women's cosmetics (they have been worn). I did not ask him about them or how they got into the house but now I feel like going to the house and burn them or throw them away or just give them to our maid. What should I do? We have been together for two years and the work that I do, I travel alot!

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Our expert says:
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Surely you need to discuss this with him, calmly, or you will never find out. And don't rush to conclusions. If he is having an affair, he's hardly likely to be daft enough to carry with him a complete outfit from his lady friend, or that she'd be daft enough to leave naked and un-made-up. . Maybe he's a secret cross-dresser.
ROse makes good sense about how to approach the topic. As LOL says, there is absolutely no way to talk to him that would prevent him from lying, but the more calmly you raise the topic, the more likely you are to have a better chance of noticing whether or not he might be lying. But if you want him to tell the truth, avoid lying yourself

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Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2007/06/01

koos, she did not ask that...she wanted advise how to address it.

Reply to rose
Posted by: Timmy | 2007/06/01

Looks like we have a little gay boy on our hands... I suggets purchasing a strap on and seeing his reaction. You will probably win him over for life ...

Reply to Timmy
Posted by: LOL | 2007/06/01

Why lie how you came across the clothes in the bag. Tell him the truth you saw the bag and you looked into it.

One lie would lead to another lie and another lie and how would that make you any different from him lying.

Just tell him the truth. Think about it... the clothes in the bag was worn.. surely if he was with someone she wouldn't have gone home naked now would she.. she would be dressed and do you know of any women that wears make-up that would leave without her make-up bag.

Maybe there is some logical explanation.

Reply to LOL
Posted by: Visitor | 2007/06/01

Maybe he just took the wrong bag.

Reply to Visitor
Posted by: RMC | 2007/06/01

ah, one of the bags belonging to your partner! tell him you picked it up to move it or soemthing and it was not closed and you dropped it and everything fell out

Reply to RMC
Posted by: rose | 2007/06/01

sally,

dont be scared that he's gonna lie to you. i mean, think about it...what on earth would be a good enough explaination for your bf to have all of this in his bag? SURELY any mother/sister/cousin who spent time with him 1- you would probably know about while you were working and, 2 - most women i know would not forget her makeup somewhere,,, did you maybe come back earlier and he perhaps just chucked it into a back to get it out of the way? im sorry it must be really hard, but the reality is that if theres an honest reason, it would not be hid away in a bag.

dont torture yourself like this, you need/deserve&have to know the truth.

*all the best*

Reply to rose
Posted by: Sally | 2007/06/01

Thanks guys, I will definetely ask him about them. Its just that, I was shocked when I found them.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: JP | 2007/06/01

Speak to him... Call a spade a spade, that is the only way!!(Feels as if i'm repeating myself today...)

Reply to JP
Posted by: rose | 2007/06/01

LOL sorry RMC ... one of HIS bags.. LOL gosh.

Reply to rose
Posted by: Sally | 2007/06/01

RMc, what I mean by...is because he's got many bags for (gym, travelling, for carrying grocery etc.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: LOL | 2007/06/01

Sally unfortunately you can't control whether he will lie to you or not. The question is... will you know whether he is lying.

Trust your gut when you talk about the clothes. If things don't add up then tell him it doesn't add up.

Possibly there could be a real simple explanation and this whole thing could just be a misunderstanding. I really hope so.

Reply to LOL
Posted by: rose | 2007/06/01

i also read itlike that rcm, but i think she honestly ment one of her partner's bags :)

Reply to rose
Posted by: Sally | 2007/06/01

I am want to ask him about them but am trying to find a way in which we would be able to talk about them without him lying to me.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: RMC | 2007/06/01

uhm what do you mean "ONE of your partners"??

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Buzz | 2007/06/01

Sally, there's only one way to handle problems in relationships and that's by talking about it. You're avoiding the issue by wanting to burn the clothes, instead of having an open talk to your partner.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: rose | 2007/06/01

you sure should ask him sally..

if youre scared he's gonna blame you (not that this needs justifying) for 'looking through his stuff', just say you wanted to do washing or something.. but not even. it doesnt matter, in this case because you need an answer - it doesnt matter how you saw it, he needs to give you some reason, and if he is defensive about it, blaming you for 'looking', somethings (without a coubt anyway) up.

or say the maid found it...? (hopefully not his shoe size? - really just asking not trying to be silly)

good luck..shame man!

Reply to rose
Posted by: LOL | 2007/06/01

Have you considered asking your partner about the clothes. There could be a simple explanation perhaps (don't know) and when he answers you.. you would know if he is telling the truth or not. A woman has a gut instinct and can normally sense when their partner is lying.

Reply to LOL

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