Posted by: Bmt | 2008/11/20

woan' t go to counselling with me

My husband had an affair and i am finding hard and feel bretrayed. he will not go to counselling says he does not want to air his dirty laundry - do you think it would help if i went alone and sort out my feelings for him - as i am very hurt and dont trust him now.We have been married for 30 years and although i love him - if i keep reminding him of how i feel it reminds him of the affair and it will probably drive him away again? should i keep quiet and try and mend what is broken?Trust.

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Our expert says:
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He needs to be reminded that it was him who dirtied the laundry, and it is YOUR laundry as well as his. Seeing a counsellor alone would still be useful. YOu cannot mend what is broken all on your own though --- his sincere and regretful participation is needed.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CM | 2008/11/20

Mine had a affair 5 yrs ago... so i left him... he came craaaawwwwling back- and i took him back on the condition that HE goes for counselling first... then us together... we did... and we are still together.... obviously i still am hurt and angry (ya- 5 yrs later) and he knows this but lets it slide seeing he brought it on himself... we recovered from this....maybe you can also.....
Good luck....

Reply to CM
Posted by: sxxxx | 2008/11/20

if you go alone you might sort your fellings but your relationship will not be .
remember your marriege needs reviving your relationship with him needs reviving you will only go speak you mind and thats all (offload)
to get closure u must do it together it takes two to make this work
u can only forgive, no Correction hopefully FORGET if he helps you through it

Reply to sxxxx

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