Our expert says:
This is at least potentially a reaction to having previously experienced some serious stresses, especially stress in situations where you both wseriously WANTED to be able to solve the problem, but where there was little or nothing you could so about it. Sounds reminiscent of Learned Helplessness ( which you can Google ). A counsellor, especially of the CBT form, could help you change this unhelpful pattern of habits of thought and response which you describe
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