Posted by: Melt | 2008/09/15

Wite/boyfriend in same tent with kids?

my wife moved out of the house 6 months ago. Kids stay with me, 3.5 year old girl and 5 year old boy. she visits them 2 times a week and they sleep over at her place once a week. (only for the last 7 weeks) I discovered that the boyfriend sleeps over when the kids are there, which i do not approve of but cannot do much about that. She now booked a camping site for them in December. The sleeping arrangements would be, her, boyfriend and kids in one tent. I think NOT!
She is totally oblivious of most of her actions and have a " everythings cool"  attitude. Am i being overprotective of my children and is it okay for them to be exposed to their mom sleeping with her boyfriend in the same room? or is it okay in this immoral world we live in, just to do whatever one wants as they will probably be screwed up phsychologically anyway one day when they realised that their 39 year old mom left them for a 23 year old boyfriend?"  I will consult a childrens phsyghologist as well but would like another opinion on this please.

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Our expert says:
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The arrangements were probably made innocently, and based on economic considerations rather than in order to annoy you ( can you picture them hiring an extra tent for her to skleep alone ? ). As for your children "being exposed to their mom sleeping with her boyfriend, there should be no particular problem so long as they simply sleep ; sexual activity between the adults while the children are observers or aware of it would be a really bad idea, whoever the adults were --- but surely she would be careful to avoid that ?
The children may or may not have concerns about their mom's leaving in relation to the young man --- just be cautious that your own concerns and even understandable anger about this doesn't get transmitted to the kids

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Our users say:
Posted by: JR | 2008/09/16

I think the concern is more related to jelousy. Would you rather have them sleep alone in their own tent, not to safe. From the kids side, they are looking forward to a fun camping trip and that is all they think about. Don' t know your wife, seeing that she left them, but honestly hope she would have the common sence to think before engaging in any activities, with the kids in the tent.

Did you and your wife ever go camping, and did you ever do anything in the tent with the kids? I know we have in the middle of the night while they are fast asleep. Tents these days are also not what they use to be, alot of space in them.

Reply to JR
Posted by: Sg | 2008/09/15

You might be overly sensitive here to be honest.Provided they don' t do anything sexual in the tent whilst the children are there it should not present a problem. You cannot of course guarantee this but mention it to your wife and that your concern is for the children' s sake.
My 8 year old son sleeps in the same room as my (new) wife, as he does when with his mother.I know he should have been out of the room a long time ago but I cannot throw him out for his relatively short visits whilst his mother allows it.
It goes without saying that nothing of a sexual nature happens then.
You sound a bit bitter about the marriage breakup and maybe rightfully so but don' t let it upset things with your children and your ex.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Maria | 2008/09/15

I share your concern and would feel very uncomfortable about this situation as well. However, will the kids be exposed to something on holiday which the current situation doesn' t already expose them to?

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Posted by: Mom | 2008/09/15

2nd thing : I don' t think she will sleep with him (only next to him) with your kids right there. Well I hope she would have the common sense not to.

Reply to Mom
Posted by: Mom | 2008/09/15

I see your concerns and even agree with you, but other than him doing something wrong (which I think is your main worry) it can be a fun time for them to go camping and get out for awhile. I don' t think he would be able to do anything with all of them in the same tent. Its very close quarters.

Express your concerns to her in a nice way as not to get her back against a wall and remind her she has only just met him and still has a lot to learn about him. Also remind her that the kids are in her safe keeping and she needs to keep an eye on them while out there, from him and others around there.

Be as nice about it as you can. I know it wont be easy, but nothing will come out of it if you scream or demand. She will just dig in her heels and do it anyway.

I really feel for you. This is a horrible situation.

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