Posted by: Bad mom | 2008/08/05

Winning a fight, but loosing the battle

Hi CS,

i have such good intend when it comes to my child. I want only the best for her. I am however, loosing the plot completely.

She is 13 years old, I am trying to discipline her in the correct ways. It only takes her to press a few wrong buttons for me to loose my temper completely and before I know it, I am the one who needs to appologise.

Today I feel so terrible. Last night got out of hand...again.
I do not physical harm her as such, I would say the things that just fly out of my mouth is horrible.

If I think of all the harm I have done, breaking her down, making her feel like nothing. I just do not know how much of my child is left inside her.

All the things I am supposed to protect her from, I seem to do to her. And I do not even mean to harm her. But I do.

I do not know if I making sound worse than what it is. To me, there is not excuse for what I am doing. I am not leaving her without food, or clothes, or hitting her blue &  purple. But shouting, screaming, throwing things around, making her feel so much worse.....
Today I dont feel that I am worthy to be called a mother. I am a monster. I thought about sending her away, just to protect her from me. She is such a lovely little girl, who just want &  need love. I dont understand why I feel it so much, yet am so incapable of showing it. I feel very much she is better of without me. I am destroying her little life!

Is it too late to fix what I have done to her? will she live with these emotional scars for the rest of her life?

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Our expert says:
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See a personal counsellor to explore your triggers and how to control your temper, and to learn how to discipline your child clmly and effectively and without nasty words. You can put this right --- and only you can put it right in the best way. But get expert help to do it efficiently and lovingly

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/08/05

I went through the same, exactly the same with my daughter (15), went to a Pyschologist and he helped me and my daughter, she was able to explain what she feels and does to him, but not to me, with his help he got me to understand more and more what she felt and was thinking, not at all what I thought she felt. He explained why she does these things and her reaction and he guided me on handling things better, it is the way moms need to do it that most times we don' t know about. Today she is 18 and we are the best of friends, still laugh at the days when we us to fight like cat and dog - we both confide in each other and our relationship grows better and stronger each day - I DEFINATELY WOULD SUGGEST YOU BOTH GO, IT IS SO WORTH IT

Reply to anon
Posted by: Hurt child | 2008/08/05

My mom did damage, the same as what you are doing to your child, the screaming, the shouting, making her feel worthless and a good for nothing, I am now 43 and still afraid of my own mother.

Reply to Hurt child

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