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Question
Posted by: THULI | 2008/01/23

will this marriage last?

In the house ,in my marriage , between me and hubby , the thing called love is dead, since he lied to me and still lying about him having an affair is not fair for me and am not free to have sex with him, there is no kissing, hugging, affection, looking at each other like married couples. the romance is no longer there i'ts cold in the house no fire of love. we used to kiss when going and coming back from work, but now it's no longer happening.
he said he wants sex the other day i refused coz i feel betrayed, one day this girl called on his cellphone i answered it and she wants to talk to hubby, the following day i called her number to know who exactly she is, she said they attended school together there's nothing between them but i did not believe since hubby has started to be secretive and using money secretly, hubby said how can he do that coz he's a christain? aren't christian cheat? aren't pastors rape these days, so i don't believ him for a sec, i checked his phone this morning while he was bathing i found that he phoned this girl several times. so i am not free i can't have sex with him, i don't know if he used protection with this girl or not and my love for him is just dissapearing day by day, will i loose him to this girl or what . i know men can't get satisfied, or must i get someone also .what what what do i do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Certainly it is not fair to you to have an affair or to lie about it. And in the age of HIV / AIDS iot is understandable that you would not want to have sex with a husband who is having sex with someone else. Its more than just the matter of having been betrayed. And the arument that |he's a Christian" so he can't do that is of course nonsense --- sadly, far too many people who consider themselves Christian ( or Muslim, or Jewish, or whatever ) are capable of such behaviour. Would it be possible to persuade him to join you in mariage counselling ? Maybe if he sees it as a way to convince you of how goodhe really is, he might be interested in it ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jacky | 2008/01/23

There's phrase by Jonis Joplin that says "Dont compromise yourself, you are all you've got"

you're the only one who knows what you want in life and no one will ever make decisions for you but yourself. You clearly have high moral grounds hence you can not even sleep with him now that you know he is cheating, don't stoop to his level then by getting yourself someone else, rather get yourself out of the situation first and then start consider other people. I'm not promoting divore but in these days unfaithfullness should not be tolarated and believe me there is life after divorce I'm a living proof of that, I divorced with two kids I have a wonderful man, has no kids never been married that adores me to bits, I can say now that I'm in a committed faithfull relationship, I could never say this while I was married. All I'm saying is stop thinking that his the world you can have better and your concern should not be he'll end up with the girl he is with because chance are he will not, your concern should be your wellbeing, there are good guys out there!

Good Luck

Reply to Jacky
Posted by: Orie | 2008/01/23

Thuli , I feel for you but I would not like us to attack religion and made wide sweeping generalisations. Its not about religion but about individual choices and their commitment to walking the talk .I think you are torturing yourself more and more by doing this investigative work and calling the "girls" he's been calling. Even those ladies he's calling wont think highly of you . Just maintain your dignity and deal with your husband. If he has an affair , the blame is on him not the "girls", he is the one who made the vows to love only one woman and is the one who's breaking them and not the third party. let your focus be on your hubby and not the ladies he's seeing ( if he;s seeing them ). Why dont you make time to talk to your husband and try to explore what happened, where did it all go wrong ? He could be complaining of exactly the same things as you are , that you're not hugging him , kissing him anymore , remember it takes two to tango. You also need to do your part . It is possible that he's not having an affair with this lady but is just getting what he is not getting from you at home ( attention, someone to talk to, free and less hostile environment) You need to act on this asap, because that friendship could easily develop into an affair . Seek professional help if you feel you wont be able to do it on your own (with your hubby) Good luck

Reply to Orie

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