Posted by: Upset-Help | 2003/12/03

Will killing him ease the hurt that I feel

I really feel like crying just writing this note. The father of my baby dumped me for another woman and then I met this guy with whom I was in a relationship for two years- guess what? He also dumped me for another woman. I am currently depressed and angry. I am on anti-depressants and going for theraphy. I feel like killing him though. I cannot handle the fact that he is happy with another woman while I am miserable.He is thowing a house warming party and invited everyone including his girlfriend but me. Mind you, we chose the house together and when the house was approved I was not good enough for him anymore. His new girlfriend is gloating and they are having the time of their lives. My son thinks he is the father. I am even thinking of killing him. Help me!!! Please I am dying inside, always crying,can't cope at work. Why does love hurt so bad. The theraphy is not helping, maybe if I kill him, I'll feel much better.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Upset-help.
Absolutely not. Harming someon else will bring you no satisfaction or relief, but will enormously add to the burdens you'll have to carry. You do need to URGENTLY discuss these matters with your therapist, and in detail, to work through them. Your child has the possibility, with your continuing help, which will be very important, of leading a truly happy life. Don't take take away from your child. Of course you're sad, and angry, for his behaviour has been disgusting, but don't be tempted in any way to sink towards his level. Judging by the way he has behaved, and perhaps his current gf as well, they're really not likely to be happy for long. Let them be happy, if happy they are, for this brief time --- it'll make their subsequent unhappjness all the sharper, and if they are capable of being as cruel to you as they have been, imagine how they'll be treating each other, when things start to get difficult. And leave that to be entirely their own work ; of you do anything to harm them, you'd be helping them to feel justified in what they have done. Let them reap their own deserved rewards, all on their own.
And what a splendid set of responses from our other readers !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2003/12/04

No, killing him will not ease the hurt. It will cause you endless problems, that's all.

I had exact same situation 4 yrs ago - boyfriend dumped me, has Xmas party and envited everyone, cept me.
U know what has changed since then? He started phoning me earlier on this year - begging me to come back, apologising terribly. What's changed since then? I've met a wonderful guy, married him and we have a son. Ex is miserable, still phoning me and begging to come back.

Don't worry or fret love, he'll get his share when he leasts expects it

Reply to Woman
Posted by: shaz | 2003/12/04


I could'nt said it better myself

Reply to shaz
Posted by: Nicki | 2003/12/04

Sweetie, killing the guy or anybody else is not going to solve anything. It will actually put u in jail, put ur child in foster care and make ur life worse. He is not worth that much of trouble. Rather u know what this guy is capable of doing now, than having him cheat on u when u r married. If he is meant to come bk to u then he will.
Firstly u need to pull urself together. U have a son to look after and a life to live, ur life and ur sons life. I realised that having tried to commit suicide twice over a guy, that he should of never been the center of my life. U need to be strong. Depression is difficult to deal with, but if u believe and always say to urself that u r strong, then u will be strong. We are all dealt bad blows in life. Try gyming or working out to get rid of that extra tension, pain and hurt. Talk abt it. Dont let it build up inside u. Girlfriends are great to have. Talk to ur friends.
U r such a strong person and u dont even know it. U had a child on ur own and u r raising that child as well. That takes guts.
As to the party - If the guy had invited u, would u g0? Would u want to c him and his g/f together in this state?
And if he could do this to u now, what stops him from doing it to his current g/f? So she might not b gloating forever.
Take care
And put urself first for a change
Treat urself out to a facial or massage and dont let negetive energy get u down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Nicki
Posted by: shaz | 2003/12/04

I think that you should just ignore him, show him that you can live, cope and enjoy your life without him being in it. Men don't like woman crying nor weakness. Show him that you can do things with yourself and your child. Start enjoying life, go out, meet new people, buy yourself a new outfit, take your child to the park and just thank God that you still have a small person in your life who brightens your life and remember you can always find new strength in your child. Live each day to its fullest. For time being, forget about him, just show him you can go on that you are tough!!! By killing him, you will only hurt yourself but most off all your little child. Think about his happyness and future. I know you are angry - and that's normal. But to kill a person takes real guts and one must be realy stupid to go such lenghts.

remember life goes on, it doesn't end here - you have much to live for !!!!

Reply to shaz
Posted by: gasguy | 2003/12/04

no killing him wont make you feel better, what will is when he finds out that maybe this girlfriend isnt so good after all. after the initial few months the novelty will where off. If it doesn't bite the bullet things will come right, you found him and were happy, it will happen again

Reply to gasguy

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