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Question
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

Will I win <br><br>Will I win ?

I've got a 5 yr old daughter. I broke up with her father 4yrs ago.she stays with me and he used to support and send her money every month. He stopped paying anything in April this year and he told me that he's in financial difficulty.I went to the maintannance office and he offered to pay R900,00 a month for our daughter . Another complication is that my daughter is diabetic. I refused the offer as I wanted a better amount. Now the issue is that I've just realised that he earns less than I thought he earns. There is a maintainance hearing next week (22nd) and I want to know if it is possible that the court can end up granting me less than what he offered. I wanted R1300,00 and he offered R900. After all his debit order deductions, he's left with about R1500 for food ,petrol etc,I even doubt if he's going to have food to eat if he has to pay R900 every month. I do want money for my daughter but I even doubt if he's going to afford what he offered me. And when he made the offer I was'nt aware that he was earning so little money and I rejected the offer hence the maintannance hearing next week. I'm afraid I might end up getting less than the amount he offered me .

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Our expert says:
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It sounds very sensible of you to take his revised situation into account, and the court ought to do likewise. Explain to the court that when you refused the offer, you were unaware of his changed circumstances, and that you're prepared to consider receiving a smaller amount until he is again able to afford the full amount needed. Or talk with him and make an out of court settlement together. As for what he can afford, maybe a lot depends on both what he does have, and what those "deductions" are. Could he add the child to his medical aid perhaps ?
Maybe if the sitation is in reality a bit complex, the Court would be best placed to get the evidence and facts, and make a balanced decision ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

Dear Les
Don't be fooled by what may appear to be his financial circumstances... let him bring his case forward in court and they will do their own investigations into what he says. Men all too easily make excuses for not being able to afford maintenance... money is never enough to make up for the loving effort that it takes to raise a child... that is priceless!

Reply to Inc
Posted by: nicci | 2004/11/16

You obviously have no pride and irresponsible as a mother, otherwise you wont list the things you do for your child as if you're doing her a favour! Also, stop comparing yourself with the father, you took custody so you must be able to provide basics! While he must definately take care of his child too, don't turn this into a vengeful events.

You seem to want to be extravagent eswell- you want the best, but do you need the best? You must live according to what you can afford because you need to build a sustainable & stable future for your child - save any extra cash for rainy days, especially when your ex is this unreliable. That is what you need to focus your energies on.
Lastly, get over this man & move on, coz obviously you are still a wreck.

Reply to nicci
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/16

i feel so sorry for you ! you are pittyful

this guy is happy with his new wife and still has act like a decent guy, yet you my girl are a real bitch and will reap .... what you experience now will be a shadow of the real suffering awaiting you

change girl..... thats your only hope, this will destroy you and your child

nina

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

I hope your revenge is as sweet as you're hoping it would be. I also hope for your sake it doesn't come back and bite you in the butt one day.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

I rest my case : I'm not using the child here , Im'm fighting for her needs. If the court can decide that I get the amount I wanted , so be it , he will have to figure it out himself where to get the money for food. He is after all a health grown up man , I', sure he can fend for himself. If the court sucks him dry, the court has decided .

I've kept the copies of all the medical aid levies I've paid for her, the till slips from the clothing shops, slips for his special foods, pharmacy slips etc and I hope I'can nail him right . I'm not bitter for about the break up . Yes it was messy , I was a wreck, I sometimes feel like kicking myself when I think of those days I used to call him and beg him or literally get down on my kness and ask me to take me back . He refused to give us aanother chance! Yeah ! it's about time he paid , if we were together he would never have landed up in court disgracing himself . I'm going to nail him until he gets dry as a biltong!

Reply to Les
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/16

hi there

you don't need us to feel sorry for you, you are doing a pretty good job yourself

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: lolo55 | 2004/11/16

it seems like you have a problem with this guy getting married more than the maintanance issue, how were you coping since April? Lets not use our kids ladies its wrong and dispeakable

Reply to lolo55
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

I'm sorry if you feel misunderstood in your dilemma. It must be frustrating to deal with a child with disabilities. I have four children and they are all perfectly normal so I wouldn't know what you're going through.

I have to agree with Mona though. You do sound a little bitter about the break-up.

My advice: Let the court decide and accept the decision.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

Geez , people , why feel sorry for the "poor" guy? What about me ? Who has to worry about her diet everyday? Who has to worry about her lunch box , transport , fees every month? That's me . I sometimes have to sacrifice not paying an account or two so that she can continue living as she used to live when her father contributed. Who has to leave everything else when her school calls and say she collapsed ?That's me . When she is sick with her sugar levels not right and she cant go to school and I have to stay at home and look after her , who has to forfeit part of her salary because she only worked so many hours ? Me . What does dad then do ? Chase after women , I suppose because he's got nothing else to do. Drive around go, visit friends and go out with friends. he does not even seem to care nowadays, Its been 6 months since he last asked me to give him permission to see his child. If she mattered that much to him he could have persisted and opened the debate again.

Reply to Les
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Just because he pays R900, doesnt mean you only have to put R900 in, if you earn more than him, then you can afford to put more in.

Are you sure you really need the money, or are you bitter about the divorce??

Reply to Mona
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

We all want the best for our children and we want them to have it all. Unfortunately it is not only his responsibility to give her all of it, is it? You cannot get blood from a stone, as Paul rightly said.

If the courts take her father's salary and determine an amount he has to pay, it doesn't really matter about the best schools and the all you want for her. He can only be expected to pay according to his means, no more.

If all this is too expensive and you cannot cope financially, why don't you get a better job?

Reply to lulu
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/16

hi there

i can understand you wanting only the best for your child but if you yourself can not give her the best and her dad can't efford it then i think oyu are living in a dream world

i believe you when you say you need more money but what worries me is that you have such a horrible attitude about it

unless you change your attitude and start by being content and understanding toward his problem you will continue to be a bitter unhappy person

rather speak to other people and find out if there is any other way to manage the money you have -

you are being unfair but the wheel will turn girl 0 what comes around goes around

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

U dont understand ,I'm not gredy here it's just that I cannot manage to raise this child on my own or at R900,00 a month.
As I said, my daughter has special needs : she has special food that she must eat , I need to make sure that she get the correct nutrition. Levies I pay on medication is an issue, gadgets to check her sugar levels are not covered by his crappy medical aid. I also have to hire a nany for her as well, for when I'm working a night shift. I have to pay her. I want my daughter to have the best , I want her to go to the best schools, I want her to have it all . Try raising a diabetic child , you will knoe exactly what I'm talking about . R900 + R900 from my side wont be enough to cater for al her needs.

Reply to Les
Posted by: Me | 2004/11/16

How can you even concider asking his new wife to support your child?

Reply to Me
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

At the risk of acting like I know more than you do again, Q, there is no such thing as the "new law on maintenance 2002 or 2003". The latest version of the maintenance act is ACT 99 of 1998.

But anyway, can't remember that I was giving you the advice. No need for you to get all edgy and feel "attacked". I was merely mentioning that I had different facts on the matter, that's all.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/16

hi there

you will win a battle and lose a war if you don't stop and consider how he is battleing at the moment

have a heart girl

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/16

Im sorry for being harsh and over critical up there, the point is if he doesn't have the money he doesn't have it, you cant squeeze blood from a stone.

Revise the situation every 6 months as his financials get better.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

lullu, I will suggest that you get the new law on maintenance of 2002 or 3 not sure witch one and the attack me again!!!!! I now the book and it is based on law as i 1994 up to 2000!!! And if you read what I said you would se that I suggest that she goes to n desond layer to save her many time and much effort!!!! We are not one experts on this even if we have read the book!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

Just one more thing: If you want to take him to maintenance court for more money, his wife HAS NO OBLIGATION TOWARDS HIS CHILDREN. Even if they are married in comunity of property, his salary will be the deciding factor on the amount granted.

Sorry to say this, but you do seem a little greedy when you want to include his wife in the paying of maintenance. Would you like it if the tables were turned?

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

Deary me, you are in a mess you need to get to a layer, if he whants he can despute the father ship and because you need then to prove it it will cost you, even if you then can prove it then you need to prove that he is not doing his part and because he has told you that he has problems the court will asume that this was an arrangement ant will not fulter him, then you can not keep her away from him him on grounds of that he does not pay sorry to say and if he wants he can make it n issue in court!!!! then you where not married he was under now obligation to even put her on medical, my advice go see a proper layer you need one!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/16

Q, it is not true that up to 20% of his basic is payable towards maintenance. As a rule of thumb, the courts look at a 25% to 30% on his NETT salary.

Les, NETT implies the salary he's left with after tax, medical, pension and only that. His debit orders take second place to maintenance, unfortunately for him. It's sad that he has so little left after paying everything, but the court will look at the best interest of the child, not the parent.

You certainly are not greedy. You and the father are jointly responsible for the care and maintenance of the child. The amount will be calculated proportionally according to your salaries. If it amounts to less than his offer, it will be reduced. In all fairness though, you should not try and cancel the case just so you can get more out of him than what a court will rule. He's entitled to take you to the maintenance court too and have the amount reduced anyway if he can prove that he can only afford less.

Mail me at luluj at magicmail dot co dot za, and I'll help you with more detailed explanations. I am also in posession of the "Handbook of the SA Law of Maintenance" written by a professor at the law department at UNISA. As I will be going to court for the very same reason in December, I have tracked her down and I will be using her and her husband (both registered lawyers) as my legal representation in my case. They have given me valuable advice, which I'm happy to share.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

If the man doesnt pay the maintenance, you cant stop him from seeing the child, been there done that, the court sees it as 2 different cases. You can not deny him access.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

We never got married, we only moved in together when I was pregnant and we broke up shortly after wards. Nonetheless, I've heard through a grapevine that he's planning to get married. If I found out that he's married in community of property, can I go again to the maintannance court and ask for the money to be increased because now there 'll be two incomes ( one from him and wife )?

We do have a medical aid, he put her on his medical aid but his medical aid is a crappy one . I have to pay some levies sometimes and these come out of my pocket . She uses chronic medication and I need to go up and down getting doctors to sign forms to renew her chronic medication.

Is it OK for now bcoz since he stopped paying in April I told him not to see his daughter again. Why act like a father , see her and play all daddy daddy when he cannot even pay a cent to provide for her food. We fought about this and since then I dont take any nonsense , he must pay up or lose out seeing his daughter. Hence I eventually decided to let the law take its course

Reply to Les
Posted by: CK | 2004/11/16

Sweetheart you are not greedy and Paul I think you need to shut your trap. Anyway your daughter is diabetic which means she has a chronic illness, I would assume that she is on your medical aid and I think R1300 was more like it and besides have you looked at all the things that he is paying, coz he might be paying useless things so that his nett salary can only be the amount he is left with.

Your lawyer must look at all the things he is paying.

Reply to CK
Posted by: G | 2004/11/16

Les ,mmh you have a problem what was your settlement agreement at the time of divorce ? yes you can go to maintenance court and ask for more but if he proves he is living the bead line he has a good chance of offering you less as he is responsible but so are you he can pay half you can pay half she is not a cash asset she is your kid to both of you yes times are tough then you should have made sure when you divorced you got what you wanted form the divorce not 4 years later you want him to fit the bill because you did not ask for enough back then,

Reply to G
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/16

The new law that came in affect states that you can ask up to 20% of his basic amount, if he drives n nice car wit a big payment the court will tel him to sell such asset and by a smaller amount car, unfortunatly for you and him the court only looks at the childs best intrest, and if the 1300 yo whant is more than he can afford and it only amounts to 600 you will have to exsept it, do you guy have a medical?? If she is on his medical already he can enter into court this and the court will take it into acount the same with the school feas if he pays it!! you may be diging a hole for your self here but go for it, at least you will know the real state of things afterwards!

Reply to Q
Posted by: Les | 2004/11/16

If you look at my daughter's expense the R1300 I wanted is justified. She needs medical attention for her condition, I need to pay for her school fees, transport etc .And I mean he has'nt been contributing since April , I've been footing the bill on my own. Remember this guy has got a house and a car , so he's quite settled , it's not a matter of a person where you have to feel sorry for . He's got the basic things which I dont have, so if he's left with R1500 after deductions , so what , he drives to work and he lives in a decent house. Really I'm doing this for my daughter , I want her to live a decent life too.

Reply to Les
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/16

No, you're not greedy. She is diabetic, and that Paul, you may not understand all the costs involved in that.
Les, it's good that you now realise, but it's still a huge problem.
He may have to get a second job to supllement and at least offer you R900.00 - for his child. he did help bring her into the world, afterall. But remember, he cannot work if he cannot eat, so maybe you could look at supplementting your income as well, somehow. Compromise. Work together in a spirit of co-operation and see what you guys can do. There must be a plan that can be made. Analyse, explore, investigate.
And one last thing - BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.

Reply to HS
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Withdraw the case, reason - settlement out of court, although i do think you should settle for a bit less... maybe R600 per month till his financials increase!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/16

And so you deserve less as you wanted a better amount, without fully understanding this mans financial situation. What he offered is bloody good considering what he has left! Let that be a lesson to the greedy.

Reply to Paul

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