Posted by: Just married | 2004/10/06

Will I be involved?

We got married a week ago, have'nt registered the marriage at Home Affairs yet. My hubby has a 8 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. He supported her till Jauary this year when his ex refused to let him see his daughter.She even refused him entry to her house when he went over to visit his daughter all the way from Durbs to CT.he begged until she let him see her.This became a battle as she did'nt want her to come visit her dad during school holidays, she wants nothing to do with him except maintainance money. So he stopped paying trying to put pressure on her to give him access to the child.I suggested that he deals with this legally but he was afraid that it could cause tension between him, his daughter and ex. So we hoped that it could work, so whenever she called and asked for money he'll tell her to give him access to his child and she evntually said " I'd rather raise the child on my own that let her have anything to do with you" Yesterday he received a summon and she wants him to pay R2500,00 maintainance for the child. My hubby pays for the house and car and he only takes home about R3000,00. So he cant afford to pay R2500,00 out of R3000. I take home about R8000,00 but we only got married last week. Would they take my salary into consideration when they work out the maintanance agreement ?We're married in community of property but as I said we have'nt registered the marriage yet but we have all the papers. Would they go as far as scratching around to see if he's married or not? As far as the ex knows , she knows that he has a live in partner ( that's when all this resentment and refusing access to the child started-she fears the "wicked step mother kind of thing". The ex does not know we're married and many people dont it was a small ceremony- only close family members know. Should we wait and register the marriage only after his maintannace case has been heard and finalised. We're willing to give her money but we'd prefer that it be an amount agreed upon by the parties without any legal interference. We dont want her to get what she expected from this case so that we can sit down , talk like adults and agree on certain things like maintannace amount as well as access the child. I've never seen the child in person , only in photo's but she's the cutest things I've ever seen and I hate to see her suffering due to resentment her mother has for her father.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ELR | 2004/10/06

Like one of the previous ladies mentioned, due to the fact that your are married withing community, your salary will be taken into account as well. Currently I'm sitting with the same problem, next year the maintenance issue will be taken to court due to us refusing to pay more. Not because we don't want to, but we are suspecting the ex is using the money for herself rather the kids, sporting a new lounge suite, tv and clothes. If they'll take my salary in consideration I'm not sure, as we are living together. Suggestion wise, get an excellent lawyer and rather pay his fees to ensure you don't get bamboozeld. Please keep us updated.

Reply to ELR
Posted by: Inc | 2004/10/06

There is always two sides to a story...
Yes the resentment between these two people is very sad... but only they will know why they feel that way. Your hubby should go to court and negotiate with his ex as to what he is able to afford... the courts are not going to take his bread and butter in order for him to pay maintenance. Don't stress over this until you have been to court... if no agreement has been reached after your initial appearance... then the matter will be referred to the formal maintenance court.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: COnfused | 2004/10/06

When my husband was summond witht he maitanancee order - last year I was not involved in anyway-salary wise, he went in and submitted only his expenses, how much he earns and the maitanance court drew up the amount from only his salary minus expenses.

Your husband must make sure that as soon as the maitanance is agreed upon, an agreement of visitation rights is drawn up other wise his ex will only get the money and him not have access to the child.

Good luck

Reply to COnfused
Posted by: sec | 2004/10/06

As per an article that was published in the YOU a x partner can not refuse visiting rights to the father unless it can be proven that he is not capable. As for the maintenance thing you will become liable since you are married in community of property and both salaries will be taken into account. I suggest that you guys get a good lawyer to help you. As for refusing to pay maintenance - that is a really stupid thing to do. You will need to do a financial needs analysis and that will have to be delivered to the court on the amount that can be afforded to be paid. All arears can be paid off depending on the agreement plus the current month maintenance. My suggeston to you is to really get a good lawyer to assist you with your case. It is wrong of her to use the child as a pawn in the disagreement.

Reply to sec
Posted by: Kay | 2004/10/06

This will never get sorted UNLESS you have legal intervention. The court will look at what you and your hubby earn together and then decide what is in the best interest of the child. The mother will have to prove the expenses she claims as well. The mother is in violation of the law as it stands right now by not allowing access to the child and this will also be taken into consideration when the court decides on visitation rights. The mother may not - maintenance or no maintenance - disallow access to the child. If you continue to want to try and sort it out in private she will always get her way and demand what she feels like because she knows she can use the child as a pawn.

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