Our expert says:
Many women do not like performing oral sex on their male partner and reasons may include:
1. concerns about the meaning of such an act (e.g. does it feel demeaning?),
2. hygiene issues (e.g. that the penis is unclean or smells of urine, what to do with the semen on ejaculation),
3. discomfort (holding the mouth open so wide can be uncomfortable for long periods of time, together with the mistaken belief about having to contain the penis in the mouth throughout the stimulation until ejaculation),
4. in some cases it is a reminder of earlier abusive situations and the memory is distressing.
Discuss your wife's reasons for not wanting to do this, and see if there is a way that you could assist her to resolve her concerns. If she is adamant that she doesn't want to do it, then this needs to be respected and accommodated in the relationship - perhaps look to develop your sexual relationship in ways that she would be more comfortable with.
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