Our expert says:
Of course you were shattered, and a dare say she was, too. I sometimes wonder what we mean when we say "she did ( or did not ) get over him". Many of us remember fondly people in our past history who were kind, pleasant, interesting, but with whom we feel no sense of an active current relationship. Maybe in this case she still felt sympathy for someone who was then having problems, and wished him well. If she still felt really involved with him, she would have been seeing him, rather than sending such an indirect message of encouragement.
Surely there are a number of people from your past, friends and family, who "have a place in your heart", without in any way diminishing the feelings you have for your wife ?
It may be worth considering seeing a marriage counsellor together ( a properly trained one rather than a Pastor ) to explore the issues this event has raised for both of you, and to see how far this can be usefully sorted out.
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