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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2004/10/08

Wife not interested

Hi Doc, I am really worried. It has been 6weeks now already and my wife dont want to make love. She is not pregnant, has not been pregnant. There is nothing that should be an "issue". She just say she is not in the mood. BUT she dont even care to satisfy me.
I need advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The reasons for unpleasurable sex can be complicated

The reasons that women may not be enjoying sex are numerous and often complex. Sexual experiences reflect the mingling of the mind and the body. What goes on in the mind is affected not only by what is going on sexually and non-sexually between the partners, but by everything that has gone on in the woman's life. Sometimes even experiences from childhood can be relevant. This means that what she feels when her body is being stimulated by her partner depends not only on the partner's skill, gentleness, care, and ability to be guided by her needs, but also by what is going on in her mind as all of this proceeds. Despite the complexity of these issues, many women and their partners can be helped by information on the many ways women can receive sexual pleasure.

A slow approach to sexual play works best

A woman can be pleasured in many ways, include sexual talking, caressing, holding, and physical contact of all of the partner's body. Focusing early on genital stimulation is often neither pleasant nor arousing, and may even create negative feelings, both physically and emotionally. Similarly, the potential for pleasure from breast touch is usually high but, again, the timing, type and duration of touch that a woman will enjoy can be extremely variable, not only from woman to woman but from one occasion to the next.

I FEEL SO LITTLE FROM INTERCOURSE.
Lack of stimulation from intercourse is a common concern. Sensing little physical response from the vagina itself is actually quite appropriate - the vagina is beautifully designed to deliver a baby, and large numbers of highly sensitive nerve endings would be inappropriate. Women have plenty of sexually sensitive structures, but most of them are hidden.

The clitoris - discovering this sexually sensitive, but hidden organ

The clitoris is much more extensive than the tiny part that may show under the clitoral hood (see Figure 1).






The head of the clitoris is highly sensitive, and many women prefer that it not be stimulated directly. The body of the clitoris extends right up to the pubic bone and then divides and runs along the two sides of the pubic arch. Indirect stimulation of the clitoris through the mons or from the sides, coming through the lips or labia, can be very rewarding, as can direct stimulation of the shaft but not the head, although oral stimulation here may be very enjoyable. The clitoris is made of spongy tissue that fills with blood as the woman becomes sexually aroused. This tissue is similar to penile tissue, and is also called "erectile" tissue. A little more erectile tissue of the clitoris is found around the urethra. This can be stimulated by a finger placed about 1 inch into the vagina, stimulating the front wall. Some women may initially find that this sensation reminds them of an urge to pass urine, but on repeated occasions, pleasure, high arousal and orgasms can be experienced (some have referred to this as the "G" spot). There is yet more erectile tissue on either side of the vaginal opening but it's underneath the labia, and also underneath a thin layer of muscle. It can be stimulated by fingers massaging through the labia on each side of the vagina, but this stimulation needs to be firm and consistent. Because the erectile structures are so well protected here, the feeling of hypersensitivity that many women get from touching the head of the clitoris does not occur. The sad thing about the fact that these structures are so hidden is that they cannot be effectively stimulated during intercourse unless the partners' two bodies are particularly close. Sometimes after the man has ejaculated and his penis is slightly smaller, the two pelvises can be much closer and she can move her pelvis on his, and therefore stimulate the mons area and indirectly stimulate the clitoris.

But some women get very aroused by intercourse and have orgasms that way. Why don't I?

Probably far less than 50% of women reliably have orgasms during intercourse itself, so it's certainly not abnormal to find that high arousal and orgasm does not occur solely through intercourse. It is usually one of the following situations that allows for high arousal, pleasure and orgasm to be possible with intercourse:

Sometimes it may simply be a matter of anatomical fit - if the penis is fully inserted and the two pelvises are pressing on each other, the woman has much more "outside" stimulation.
Many women will say that if they're very aroused (and therefore the vaginal walls are very full of blood), there is the pleasant deep pressure sensed with entry and thrusting of the penis - for some women the pleasure is enough to lead to orgasm.
There is a very complicated network of nerves in front of the deeper part of the vagina, and this may be stimulated sufficiently in some women by the penis itself from inside.
Remember, the mind is so important in determining the response - the mental excitement from intercourse itself may also be the reason the physical sensations seem much stronger.
If the partner delays his ejaculation, then the woman can have internal stimulation for longer. If she finds intercourse itself mentally very exciting and perhaps they combine other physical stimulation to the breast or the genitalia and perhaps also kissing, all of these stimulations together may lead to higher arousal and orgasm.
The path to greater pleasure
Women who feel little pleasure from sexual activity need to consider the different possibilities that might be at the root of it: whether they feel sufficient trust and emotional closeness with their partner, or whether issues from their past are interfering. If this is the case, psychologists, physicians or counselors might be appropriate people to ask for help. If, however, she feels it is more a matter of understanding her body's response and having more information, she and her partner can consult books or therapists.


Dr Elna McIntosh


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Red | 2004/10/08

'ME' Relax I was trying to sort 'worried' out! He really upset me when he mentioned that we women are just there to satisfy men sexually.....that is not acceptable!!! His wife should be ashamed to have married an egotistical pig like him!

Reply to Red
Posted by: ME | 2004/10/08

I though so.....sjoe!!!!! You girls are pretty aggressive in here????LOL : )

Reply to ME
Posted by: Miss M | 2004/10/08

ahhahahahahah you said it RED you go girl!!!!
So, Worried and Me you need some seriaaaaass communication at home.

Reply to Miss M
Posted by: Me | 2004/10/08

RED : LOL OK OK!!! You win and I am not married! You sound very cross! My g/f and I love sex and sometimes she wants it more that I do so should I say no then if she wants to have sex????????

Reply to Me
Posted by: Red | 2004/10/08

Sorry 'ME' I meant that for 'worried'

Reply to Red
Posted by: Red | 2004/10/08

Foxy I could'nthave said it better myself. 'Me' I think that you are a selfish person. Your wife plays a major part in your life. How long are you two married? And for the fact that you think that we women are just there to satisfy your DAMN DICK, I think that its good that you aint getting any... Why are you bothering to ask the doc questions, when you can go to your wife and talk to her and please dont forget to mention that you ONLY married her to satisfy YOUR dick... maybe you are the problem, maybe you are not satisfying her...stop always blaming everyone else your dumb ass...I am really annoyed that you are married for sex only, dumb ass!!

Reply to Red
Posted by: Me | 2004/10/08

LOL No, I am a pretty decent guy and have one of the best women in this world! We can’t get enough of each other even after 4 year so it is very strange for me to hear all this stuff? There must be a problem if the other person doesn’t even want to touch her husband or g/f!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Foxy | 2004/10/08

Fair enough ME..but you dont have to marry "us" women to get your end away. If that is all that you want it is freely available or you can even pay for it.

Reply to Foxy
Posted by: ME | 2004/10/08

No No!!! I think a relationship must come from two sides and if the one is not working together and don’t want to talk about it there must be a problem!!! And yes your are right......we just think of our dicks otherwise we would have never married you women! Just my thoughts!

Reply to ME
Posted by: Lady | 2004/10/08

I agree with foxy. You type husbands are so pathetic - all you can think of is your dicks. No wonder she dont want you.

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Foxy | 2004/10/08

Jees man - this doesn't mean she is getting it anywhere else. There are endless possibilities...maybe she is just stressed or something - any way you two need to talk about it.

And you sound so selfish - "she dont even care to satisfy me" - maybe you should care about her, and satisfy her needs emotionally....If she is not in the mood why should she satisfy you - its a two way street man!

Reply to Foxy
Posted by: xXx | 2004/10/08

worried, time to get out. sounds like your wifey is having a great time on her own or with someone else.

Reply to xXx
Posted by: ME | 2004/10/08

Something’s up buddy! 6 weeks is a long time and women are the same as men, we all have needs! Maybe she is getting it somewhere else or lost interested in you? Can’t think of another reason?

Reply to ME

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