Posted by: Peter | 2009/02/24

Wife hated pysical intimacy

My wife (now ex) hated pysical intimacy since we were married. We were fine during our courtship. But after the ring went on the finger she literally dried up, became a dead fish. We tried everything from councelling, blood tests, changing her pill, horny goat weed (lol). Nothing worked. I tried so hard to make an effort to be romantic and spoil her to make her feel wanted and needed. We both had such sexual chemistry with each other when we dated and were engaged.

Neither of us were married before and had we each had a few sexual partners before we met.

She just went right offsex and physical intimacy completely for 7 years, we tried intermitently but could not get it right. I was rearing to go and found her very desirable. She hated herself and could not look at herself in the mirror without thinking how bad she looked.She told me that if she never had sex again it would not be a problem for her, she does not consider herself a sexual object. I thought she was beautiful and told her all the time.

She told me before we were married that she was molested as a child, could that have contributed to this lack of sexual appetite? It did not seem to affect her before we got married.

This carried on non stop for 7 years, it was terrible and was a leading cause for our recent divorce.

Does anyone just snap out of something like this and all of a sudden start seeing themselves as desirable and as a sexual object? Im very interested to hear your comments.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

just like everything else in life (work, family, stress, love) sex is complicated and is never just about the sexual act but rather becomes a meeting point for desires, disorders, love, relationships, stress, health, self-esteem ect. each of these or even a number of these can be the cause of her loss in desire.

it may be advisable for you to go to therapy / psychologist in order to recover from the divorce and be able to regain anything else on an emotional level that you may have lost during either the marriage or divorce.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Frustrated | 2009/02/26

Wow, 7 years! Thats patience/love/madness. I have been in a sexless marriage for almost 3 years now. Same thing, great sex life prior to marriage and then it all went down the tubes. A woman said to me the other day men look for sex in a relationship, women look for security. So before you are married alls well, but get married and the woman has her security, so no more sex for you my friend! I think its major league unfair, not only on me, but my family. My wifes ridiculous notion of a sexless marriage will eventually tear our little family apart, to the detriment of me and my daughter. Selfish is the first word that comes to mind!

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