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Question
Posted by: Mark B | 2004/01/16

Wife has lost interest in me

We have just moved and my wife has joined the company. Our boss and other work mates have all become close. In fact my boss and his wife used to come over everyday and we were all having a lot of fun. My wife became very good mates with him and visa versa. then the jealousy kicked in and now they are getting divorced. Now my wifes says that she has lost interest in me and wants me to move out as I have not let her come out of her shell. My boss says that nothing is going on and they are just good mates. I am a very jealous person and follow her and do all weird things. we are now in seperate rooms and she says she just wants to be friends. I am broken and love her so much. We have not touched each other for a month now and we don't even hold hands any more. Do I let her go? Do I fight for her? We have 3 kids and I love them all and don't want to see them get hurt. Sexually my wife will not let me near her what to do ???

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Our expert says:
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Dear Mark B,
It sounds as if both of you have become rather messed up about this --- you describe excess jealousy, following her and "weird things" on your part ; and her conduct sounds highly unreasonable, too. As an adult, it's her job to "come out of her shell" and not to lie back and expect somone else to do this for her.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to try hard to get both of you involved in marriage counselling ? It sounds as if at least you each need counselling for yourselves, and there should still be a good chance of healing a relationship that has become strange and strained, with proper shared expert help. With three children, it seems very selfish for any adult to pursue "coming out of her shell" at their expense.

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