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Question
Posted by: Smiggi | 2006/07/18

Why won't he ask?

Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years. We have been living together for the last eight months. He wants me to have kids before getting married. I have explained that I would like to get married before having kids as I would feel more secure about our future. Why won't he ask me? Do men have a problem with marriage?

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Our expert says:
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I don't think it is reasonable for a man to expect you to have kids with him BEFORE getting maried, and this gives you no security. After 5 1/2 years, he doesn't seem to be really interested in marriage, and seems to want all the advantages without any of the responsibilities. I agree with the other readers, including Loyal

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Our users say:
Posted by: Micky | 2006/07/18

This man is messing you around! Don't have kids with him before you're married. They're a helluva responsability & a lot of work. Not being married to the bastard, makes him think he can leave you with the kids & be off when things get "too hot". Many women fell prey to this. It happend to one of my friends & now she has to raise her son on her own. If he won't marry you now, he probably never intended to. Don't be the next victim! I'm a white woman, but this happens to us too. Some men are real pigs, no matter the colour of their skin.

Reply to Micky
Posted by: Loyal | 2006/07/18

Hi Smiggi
DON'T have kids before you marry this man. It seems to him that you are fit to be a mother but not a wife. That's an insult. He will leave you and the kids. It happened to many before. I'm a black lady myself but I'm sorry to say this: black men have this tendency of wanting a child first before he can "marry" you (I suppose you are black as well) and we tend to fall into this trap. They don't understand that this is an insult. Just don't go and make babies. Marriage first, kids later. If he says no, well, say no as well.

Reply to Loyal
Posted by: Naughty | 2006/07/18

Honestly, heres my imput to your suitation!
I was involved with a man for 9 yrs, this year would of been 10 yrs. After 5yrs we got engaged, the rest of the 4 yrs thats all I was, hes wife to be. We started having problems, basically he stuffed around and I left him. It came out that he neva planned to marry me, just wantd to keep me - nice hey.

My advice, if he really loves you and wants you then he'd make the effort and marry you, dont get stuck in a realtionship with kids and have the possability that he could walk out on you. If its an issue of him not wanting to marry you, then you better off moving on and not wasting any more time.

Good luck and I hope it all works out!

Reply to Naughty
Posted by: Same here | 2006/07/18

Hi Smiggi!

I hear u girl,im in the same situation as u,but been together for four yrs.as much as it hurts to hear/know it,Jennifer is right.

Good luck!!!

Reply to Same here
Posted by: Jennifer | 2006/07/18

NO men don't have a problem with marriage, he just don't want to marry you. If he did he would have. He's been with you for 5 years. He's waiting for someone better to come along. Marriage is probably too much effort for what he already has: place to live and you for a bonk when ever he wants one.

Reply to Jennifer

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