Posted by: lindzy | 2008/05/27

why should love be this way?why

I am inlove with a man who doesn't want or need me. We have a baby together, he has nothing and I have it all. It's been 3years since we broke up but I still can't get over him, Why? He doesn't care about his child, he is a jerk but I still love him, he hurt me so badly but i cant get over him. I have someone in my life who loves me dearly but my heart is still with my ex. I know i need help, but sometimes i just feel that I am so over him, and the next thing I am hoping that he will some day call and ask to come back home. I hate myself for feeling this way.... My heart bleeds each time I think of him being with someone else, and the fact that I cannot have him back makes me so angry. What kind of people get together? that I/we cant be like them? I wish i could die right now... I am so sad

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Our expert says:
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There is utterly no point in insisting on continuing to love a jerk, especially one who doesn't love you or even his child. You KNOW that is a dead end street. You are indulging in fantasies of him, transformed, apologising, and rushing back to your arms to make yopu happier ever after. And you know that will NOT happen. That sort of guy doesn't suddenly switch from rat to cuddlesome. Sounds like you're an excellent person to get together with --- he isn't. Its like a giraffe insisting on romancing a mouse --- you're not built for each other, despite appearances.
EL echoes something I often have to say --- stop telling yourself you can't get over him --- you're struggling to make that false prophecy come true. See a counsellor, if necessary, to get out of this awfully bad habit of insisting that you need this dreadful guy. He perfectly fits the pattern of that old feminist slogan : A woman needs a man ( such as him ) like a fish needs a bicycle.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lindzy | 2008/05/28

Thank you guys- i needed to hear that!!!! getting back with him would be the worst thing i could ever do to myself. He is like cocaine - addicitve and makes me feel good, while it's killing me slowly and I managed to get him out of my system, but i guess i still have a long way to go.ll

Reply to lindzy
Posted by: EL | 2008/05/28

Stop telling yourself that you can't get over him! YOU CAN GET OVER HIM!!!! Think about losing your boyfriend you have now and think about how that would feel, then maybe you will realize what you have and how you will feel when you lose what you have now! Concentrate on your child and your boyfriend and stop being sad about what's never going to happen and if it happens that your ex call you and take him back you will be a fool! I know exactly how you feel, but it's precious time you are wasting! Good luck!

Reply to EL
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/28

im sorry. i understand you are hurting right now, but it seems from what you said that you better off without him. He doesnt care about his child. stop looking at the past, look at what you have at present and let it grow and prosper. im not sure if you have given it a proper chance.

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