Posted by: Louis Vittone | 2008/06/19

Why Me??????

Eish I've got a long story but I'll cut it short.

I've been with my g/friend for 7yrs now we have a son of 5yrs and during that 7yrs she cheated on me last year with her ex. Well I kind of forgave her, got back together after 8 months of break up"for the sake of our son". Well she got pregnant again after one month, she moved into my house in January 2008 with our son seeing she is preegies. Our daughter is due end August 2008 and if I must say Im lookoing forward to her.
Now my issue is this....I really don't love her like I used to anymore.I accept full responsibility for my "actions" in getting her pregnant, so I'll support my kids(as I've been doing for the past years) .We staying together in my house but there is just no affection from our sides anymore.I can sense that she is not into me anymore just as Im not into her anymore.Now my problem is this: How do I politely tell her in a few words that I don't foresee a future for "US" as a family? but that I'll support my kids??It would mean that she has to move back to her mom's house with the kids as I know she won't leave them with me and I don't expect her to. I don't want to be insensitive here...but what do you do if "LOVE" is no more there????only responsibility and caring???I dont want to "PUT" her out of my house with the kids, but we can't live like this.
I have realised that we are after 7yrs two "TOTALLY" different people. We don't share the same commoninities. We have only our kids in common.It's my house but my family can't visit...even if it's for one day. My friends can't visit or Its a problem if I invite them over for a beer or a braai...gee wizzz it's my house.She's trying to control my life my being, my desicions. But Iv realised that it's over.

How do I tell her that??? Im 30 this year.We both have proffesional jobs...supporting families...but we just don't CLICK. Am I being coward to feel this way after so many years???Am I being cruel if I tell her about my decisions???I need to look after my kids first priority.Then I have to look after myself secondly...but I just don't see afuture for "US" (me and her) as a family.

Maybe Im not making enough sense here but Im in a delimma.What do I do???We get along fairly well, we fight now and then, we're intimate every weekend only....but I need more than that. And I feel she can't give me that .

What do I do???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nobody EVER cuts short their long stories here ! And the longer the story, the less it is about a really serious disorder or psychiatric problem. Why not see a marriage / relationship counsellor together, to understand wach other and the situation much better, and then to make a more wise and informed decision about whether to stay together or not ?
And I have to agree with GVOR, that it was absurd to get her pregnant again ( there are ways to avoid that, you know ) when the relatonship was still so uncertain. To continue to have sex with a woman you don't think you like much, and don't intend to stay with, is selfish and inconsiderate, especially towards the baby it will produce

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Posted by: Gentle Voice Of Reason (GVOR | 2008/06/19

Why did you go and get her pregnant again?? That was irresponsible. I suggest that you wait till after the baby is born and then give it some more time after the birth before you break your news to her. The last thing she needs right now is stress while she is pregnant and stress after the birth when she needs to focus on the new baby. You will just have to grin and bear it (not that it should be a problem seeing as you 'get your way' with her every weekend as you say). Wait at least until the baby is 3 to 4 months old, by then a woman has usually eased into the reality of the baby being there and the baby has some kind of routine established (in most cases anyway)
I must just ask, why is it not a problem for you to still be intimate with her if you have such strong feelings that the two of you dont "click" and you dont "see a future" for the two of you? This will come as a complete shock to her because Im sure she will be asking you the same question the day you tell her you dont want to be with her anymore. I suppose this is just so typical male, you want to have your bread buttered on both sides! Stop sleeping with her if you dont intend staying with her for crying out loud!!

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