Posted by: d | 2009/06/22

why is sex a major prob

Why is it that when I want sex more than once or twice a month, my wife says she' s sorry she' s not a sex maniac. She does not want to have sex, but is always saying that she would go crazy if I ever had sex with anyone else. She says masterbating is disgusting. If sex is such a problem, surely she should not mind if someone else is willing to fulfill her short cummings.
Is there anyone else with the same problem?
If I could not rise to the ocasion I would find some sort of libido booster (viagra or maximor etc). She is not willing to do anything. The doctor said she could get a implant which increases libido, but my wife says she is having no implant put in here body. When we have the once a month sex, I have to put on a condom even though she has had a hystorectomy. The sperm leaks out of her for days she claims. Please don' t say talk to her about it coz everytime I mention the subject she gets all defensive and says sex is not everything in a marriage.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Rest assured there are people with the same/similar problem! A huge number (if not most) women in a long term relationship loose their libido a few years into the relationship. This is an entirely normal and sad fact of life in a long-term committed heterosexual relationship. Many people imagine that it can be easy to simply choose to be sexual and fix the problem, but when libido is not present the whole sexual response takes effort to drive (priorising it has to be a conscious choice, becoming aroused takes longer and may be more difficult, etc). So it IS possible, but only if the person concerned WANTS to do this. This motivation may be influenced by her satisfaction in the rest of the relationship, her psychological wellbeing, her understanding of the impact of this discrepancy on you, and her comfort with her own sexuality. It is unlikely that semen can still be leaking out of her days later, nevertheless she is clearly uncomfortable with this and this may mean that she is not entirely comfortable with her sexuality in general. Whilst I hear what you are saying about having spoken to her, it sounds like there is a limited understanding and this could do to improve... In circumstances such as this it is not uncommon for the female to 'switch off' even more if she feels that you are 'always after sex' - she may interpret any physical affection as another occasion where she has to say no again. Believe it or not, most women do not like being in thsis position, but feel that they have no choice. If this applies to you, try setting yourself a limit if affection happens to make sure that you can just kiss, hold or stroke her without it moving to her breasts or genitals....tell her that you are doing this because you want her to know that it's okay to touch and be touched without fear that it will lead to sex. Most men are fearful that this might mean they never have sex again, but with greater understanding of her needs, so she MAY be more inclined to think about your needs - and possibly even consider being a little more flexible... If she is not willing to budge, then you have to recognise that you have choices here - it may be that the rest of the marriage outweighs the frustrations you may be that this is not the case. Consider discussing this in a counselling set up if you have no joy...

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Ja | 2009/06/23


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Posted by: Anon | 2009/06/23


Reply to Anon
Posted by: d | 2009/06/23

I am 48

Reply to d
Posted by: Sam | 2009/06/22

Dear d and anon

may I ask what your ages are? You both seem to be having very similar problems:- perhaps it is an age appropriate developmental issue. Although I must admit I am 44yrs old and do not experience this problem.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Anon.. | 2009/06/22

My friend, i know exactly wht u going through..
My wife is the same, to them if they get it or not, they not interested... ( selfishness )
Whats even more surprising is that they wont do anything about it, and make as if we the abnormal people..
I know all the excuses now, the headache, tired..periods...not in the mood..( i' m sick of all that )
My wife is so afraid of me getting it else where its not real...
But hey, i might be wrong, but its time i get it else where.. cos i can see this is only getting worse....
The patern of my sex life with my wife is actually a joke..SERIOUS..

Reply to Anon..

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