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Question
Posted by: kiki | 2020/02/03

Why don't I enjoy sex

Hello, So I lost my virginity 2 years ago and ever since I feel pleasure from time to time depending on the position but besides I only feel pain or nothing! My boyfriend keeps recommending to foreplay and to help me out but I do not feel quite comfortable to be the centre of attention to such a private moment. Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend so much and I am comfortable with him, it is more about myself. I always have a fear to smell bad and these little details that I know I don't, but I guess this is the first step where I block myself from enjoying the whole thing. I feel that I'm a sexual person as I am horny most of the time and I masturbate almost every night but when it is with my boyfriend and in the real deal that I am unable to concentrate on myself or help myself cum. Also, even if he puts his mind to it and tries sometimes it just takes too long and never happens (never had an orgasm with him in 2 years). I don't know if I clearly explained myself because I'm a little confused myself. I really want to know why I don't enjoy it that much and why I'm unable to concentrate on making myself cum during sex and pleasuring myself. Is it supposed to be painful after 2 years of experience? is it because he is my first experience? is it because we 've been going a long way without me cumming so I'm ashamed to as it may be new? I also told him I never had an orgasm but I do on my own every night. I guess I'm ashamed for no apparent reason and I know I should be honest and tell him but I would be lying for the whole relationship and I wouldn't like that because it will make me in an uncomfortable situation!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSex expert
- 2020/02/26

It sounds like your issue seems to be a basic rejection of your body and sex. Yes, you can become aroused and desire sex, but you seem to be rejecting your body or yourself, and the idea of creating physical intimacy with someone else. 


Ideally, you should see someone for a few sessions to help you with developing a better sense of your own self worth and accepting your body; and then working on your psychological and emotional block with regards to sexual intercourse. 

In the meantime I would encourage you to masturbate so that you teach yourself the best way to climax in private. The next step will be to try this with your partner whilst being very mindful and staying in the moment so that all the judgmental thoughts are kept in check. Again you may need a therapist to help you to learn how to have mindful sex. 

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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