Posted by: Sue | 2011/06/14

Why Does this Happen ?

I''m in a relationship with a guy for about 3yrs and we have deep/strong feelings for each other. We work together in one department and both have our respective spouses. When we do get along, we really enjoy each others company but there are times when we get into arguments and say things to each other that really hurt. We both feel the pain, apologise, but never learn from it as it is repeated from time to time. This is cause for concern as its affecting our relationship to the point that we are totally confused why we do this to hurt each other when we know how much we care and that we certainly have no intention of deliberately hurting each other. My Question - Why do we do this to each other ? We have questioned this behaviour but cannot find an answer.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I've already responded to this one - you seem to be describing a miserably unhappy affair, cheating on your husband and his wife. Why ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Terry | 2011/06/15

I''m in the medical prof to give advice on situations like this,I''m sure you had a awakening with the harsh comments above &  I''m not going to stress on those but remember all that was said is true.
I''ve seen &  assisted in a number of issues like this &  one thing i can confirm is that what you have now is never going to work,there is too much around affairs that comes into play for you to end up like this.The first step is to admit that what you have is wrong &  never going to work out ,the 2nd step is stop blaming the other person because thats were the misunderstanding comes in ,the third step discuss the break up with out making it the other fault or making them guilty if you do this it shows there was no feelings in the 1st place to start of with.In fact if there is true love you will want this to end because you can see stress it is putting the other person in &  that shows a strong feeling towards this affair.The forth step which would be the most difficult is for one of you to leave the department ,going forward after the break up this will become an issue.The idea is don''t became bitter to each other because it was both of you involved in this - so both are too be blamed but accept that &  make it a painless break up.It must be a good bye but when you do have to cross paths again a loving hello - which can be done &  i''ve seen that happening.3yrs been a long time having these kind of issues &  the hurt / insult each feel must have built up to very uncontrolled levels ,usually after 6 months of this the both should have made you decision to call it a day.

If you need more prof assistance ,you can ask &  i will give you my details for a session in the JHB region.
In rounding off accept that this will never be but the break up must be smooth without blame on each other but a discussion ,remember down the line if life changes you can still come smiling to each other &  not hold a grudge.
Support each other now with the seperation this will show true feelings.

Reply to Terry
Posted by: Laurei | 2011/06/14

DIdnt your respecitve mothers teach you that if you build happiness or a relationship on someone elses tears, you will invite disaster upon yourself? Simpler English, KARMA is a bitch! Everytime I think about looking for greener grass, I think about these things, and the discipline kicks in.
Learn my dear, or else life will teach you without love and in a terribly harsh way. Honesty as they say is the best policy. Leave your wife if you want to pursue something with another woman.

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Janet | 2011/06/14

You should be disgusted with yourself.....................what kind of a person are you??????????????????
get out of it because nothing will ever be off it!

Reply to Janet
Posted by: Willie | 2011/06/14

There is a sign with all the hurt you cause each other &  that is you''ll are not meant to be together be it in an affair or in life.Affairs which i don''t encourage should be something thou that is exciting &  easy going NOT the way you 2 are having it.In fact not even in a marriage people behave like this.Did you give this thought before getting into it ,did you realise maybe you 2 are just not compartable ,did you not think that this is not the person for me after the first fight...................i suggest give it up now.......sooner the better for both!

Reply to Willie
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/14

It really is not a relevant question. You work together and all people working together some time have tiffs. Especially if you allow a fellow worker to get too close to you in a non-work-related way.
In your case you say that you are in a relationship?? and both have your relevant spouses. I do not like to assume that you are having an affair and if I am wrong, please forgive me. However...if you are having an affair and you both are married, you deserve everything that comes your way. Everything bad that is.
One should never have deep/strong feelings for a co-worker. It is not professional and it is also wrong.
Best is to eitherl leave your respective " spouses"  and allow them to make a happy life for themselves by finding honest people to spend the rest of their lives with or one of you to get away there, move to another job , town, country..whatever it takes and thank your luck stars neither of you were kicked out in the street by your spouse or employer for that matter.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/14

I've already responded to this one - you seem to be describing a miserably unhappy affair, cheating on your husband and his wife. Why ?

Reply to cybershrink

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