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Question
Posted by: Sore | 2005/12/06

Why does it hurt this way?

Last night I did something I never thought I would ever had the courage to do. Maybe out of fear/embarrasment/rejection, i never said how I felt everytime he hurt my feelings or made me feel unloved.
I am a nag (because I speak when I am unhappy), I love being loved, i want to be hugged and kissed, not feel neglected when we go out in public - he walks away from me and not with me - never holds my hand, never kisses me in public, seems like he is embarrased to do the above things, he makes me feel so unattractive and unloved.
I try to talk about our problems, he cannot communicate .. or wont. When I say you dont love me - he says how do you know whats going on inside me? How would I ever know, if you never say anything?
When he cannot coem see me cos he "does nto feel like taking a taxi) I will pay someone to take me, he stays far from me...... I feel like I always make the effort, when I mention to him had I nto made a plan to coem see him - would he have even come to see me - he says that does nto matter now - you're here....... OOOh I get so angry, then I want to cry because inside its breaking me.....
So last night I called him and told him that if he cannot love or respect me then I see no point to any of this..... now he is sick of my bull shit.....I said fine good night anf hung up.....another thing , I dont smoke - he does, ive asked him to not smoke in my house, after making love he walks into the lounge grabes a cigarette and smokes in bed......- ive had enough! I wont try to change him as he has no respect or manners. This hurts.... have I done the right thing?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good for you ! What you're asking for is entirely reasonable, and if he isn't capable of giving it to you, maybe it's time to move on

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sore | 2005/12/06

Its just that - I do love him....... so much but not more than I need my happiness to be honest and true, so sick of pretending that its enough, it never was and never has been. He acts as though he goes all out for me and that he "tries so hard" BULL DUST - he tries nothing, just sits around and waits for me to make all the effort and he never shows thanks or appreciation.....ever! Thinks that I am his cash cow as well - One year ago he is exactly where he was and seems to be making no effort at getting his life off the ground. I am tired of being there for emotional support and believing in him, How can believe in him when he does not believe in us.......??? This hurts.....I swear I am so pissed off right now, I wish God can grant me the strength and serenity to get through this ok. Please pray for me.

Reply to Sore
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/12/06

You did the right thing. Don't doubt yourself. What lady nina says is true. It will be impossibly difficut but you must try break all ties for a while until you have fully moved on. You know what you want and need and he isn't giving it thus let him go. I know that this will hurt like hell for some time but you have done right, keep reminding yourself of that and surround yourself with loved ones and take one day at a time. God Bless

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/06

I read this and it's as if I can feel your pain, some if it I've been through myself.....

Girl be strong and stick it out.

Nina is right - this is not a man who's in love with you.

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Brown | 2005/12/06

it was the right thing to do. it was hard i know but talking from experience, it will take time for u to get over him but when u do u will feel so happy that u left him and a word of advise "PLEASE do not pick that phone again to call him," u will loose self respect the minute u do he'll think he's got u where he wants u to be and u must show him that u respect urself so that he can respect u.

Pray and God will bless u.

Reply to Brown
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/06

hi girl

im so sorry that you hurt, there is nothing as bad as not getting out what you put into a relasionship

he does not love you girl, that the bottom line

you have this guy to much power in your life and he knows that but instead of treating you with respect you deserve, he is using you for his own selfish needs.

you have 2 choices
you can suffer for a short time or you can suffer for a long time
but suffer you will
you can end this relasionship and cry for 2 weeks and in an year from now you can loom back and laugh at yourself for feeling so totally devestated
or you can give this relasionship another try and deny yourself the need to feel loved and a year from now you will still feel like you do today - worse infact because you wasted another year

nina

Reply to lady nina

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