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Question
Posted by: NN | 2005/07/13

Why does he do this to me?

My fiance' and I have been together for a year. Things have been kind of rocky the past couple of months. The past couple of weeks, he has been coming home late and "playing golf" on the weekends. He switches his phone off all the time when he is at home. And when he comes home from work, he smells like booze and says that he had one drink at work. This behaviour is suspicious. I know that this is totally worng and I had no right to do it, but I looked inhi wallet and found a bill for Teasers for over R1000. Most of it was spent on the girls there. He moaned at me for going through his stuff which I agree was wrong of me, but he has been making me feel so insecure and treating me like rubbish and that is what drove me to do it. He says that he goes there very often because he does not want to come home because I make him unhappy. And that he does not get any action at home and that is why he goes there. Which is not true, he never wants to have sex with me. I feel so cheated an betrayed and he said that it is none of my business what he does and he can do as he likes. I feel so dirty and cheap. I come home every night and make sure he has ironed clothes for work and that he has food on the table when he comes home, and this is what I get.
He has been treating me like rubbish for a long time now and cannot take it anymore. I can't eat, I get terrible migraines, my work is suffering, I cry all the time. I want to move out and the only place I can go to, is y friends house and she lives far away. I got a new job and start in a months time and the company is close to where she stays, so I can only move in with her once I have started my new job. What am I going to do for the next month? I am going to the doctor today to go and get some anti-depressants.

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Our expert says:
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Work your hardest to persuade him to join you in relationship counselling ( cheaper than Cheaters !) and this could greatly benefit both of you. And by all means separate for at least a time. If he's unhappy in the relationship, he's a fool to go to Cheaters rather than get involved with you and a counsellor to set things right

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: V | 2005/07/13

Treat them mean to keep them keen. I wonder if the stupid bastard realise that the whores at Teazers laugh at all of them sitting there drooling away. They have only interest in their money, definitely not in them. Those tarts will as sure as hell not be there for the poor idiot one day when he gets sick or to do his washing, ironing and housekeeping. He deserves to be alone and misrable, dont let it rub of on you. Hope you find the happiness in A REAL MAN.

Reply to V
Posted by: Hey | 2005/07/13

The one accusing you of things is generally the one who stands behind the door.

Reply to Hey
Posted by: lerita | 2005/07/13

The writing is on the wall. You have to get out and you realize this. You are nothing than a housekeeper to him. And a very cheap one- because you render services for nothing!. Discuss with your friend your problem. Maybe she can let you move in earlier.

Good luck

Reply to lerita
Posted by: Liza | 2005/07/13

He's having his bread buttered on both sides. Men like this make me very angry. He goes to Teazers - and you don't know whether he hasn't been going to other places and sleeping with prostitutes. Its very possible.

Stop doing stuff for him. Start living your own life NOW. Even if you have to share living space with him until you can move in with your friend. You don't deserve being treated this badly. Don't give up - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Elsie | 2005/07/13

He is trying to make you feel guilty by picking fights with you all the time. Let the guilt eat him away alone and do not have sex with him because you do not knwo if he is getting some outside and does not possibly use protection, therefore he may bring you diseases.

Reply to Elsie
Posted by: Liz123 | 2005/07/13

Get out and start fresh.

Reply to Liz123
Posted by: Lola | 2005/07/13

NN I am so glad that you have finally had enough of this no good asshole rubbish! He infuriates me! Don't wash and iron his clothes or cook for him. Ignore him completely! You are worthy of so much more. Thank goodness its only a month!

Reply to Lola
Posted by: NN | 2005/07/13

He says to me that he does not want secrest in our relationship but how many times have I forgiven him for lying to me and keeping secrets. I told him that I deserve to know of he is unhappy and I cannot make him happy if he is going to keep on doing things behind my back and not telling me that he is unhappy. He wants our relationship to work but he does not want to try, he keeps on shutting me out. He says he does not trust me, but I am at home every day after work at the same time and do all the house work for him and make sure he has food to eat after a long days work. Thne he says what he does is none if my business. He picks a fight with me everyday and I am just at my wits end. All I ask is that this month goes by fast and peacfully. I keep asking myself why do ppl hurt the ones they love. If they love them so much, then why do they have to bring them down and hurt them. As far as I am concerned, he does not care about me or where this relationship goes, so he is seeking attention elsewhere. It is so sickening to see how I treat him, I am so nice that I might as well have a head up his butt.

Reply to NN
Posted by: Sister Zazi | 2005/07/13

Hi girlfriend he is treating you very bad and i think you desreve to be happy and he is mentally abusing you my dear. Today when you get home dont cook,iron,clean and act as if u dont care anymore. Its better you are moving away from that monster go and start a new job my dear and forget about him he is not worth it.

Dont you give him sex if he is going all out to seek one? If he was not satisfied at home did he ever ell you that he was not happy until you found out the slips? Maybe he is been satisfied somewhere else. My daerjsut get out of that man.

You deserve better.Good luck

Reply to Sister Zazi
Posted by: reece | 2005/07/13

Right decision - leave.

Reply to reece
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/13

You are fortunate that you have discovered the real person you are engaged to before you married him. He is totally out of line and treats you like trash. The sooner you can get rid of this guy the better. You deserve much better than him.

Try and find a place to stay in the meantime. Don't give in to him as he will definately try and get you back with all sorts of promises and sweet talking.

Best of luck.

Reply to Deubel

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