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Question
Posted by: Why | 2005/01/13

Why do woman pretend ........

Why do some woman pretend to friends, family, colleagues etc. that they have the prefect relationship when they actually live in hell?

Is it because they think things will change or possibly because they are embarrased?

Some days I live with the almost perfect man, then he goes on a drinking binge and makes mine and the kids lives absolute hell!

Yesterday, he left home at 06:45 to pick up his daughter and take her to her gran. He got back at 20:30 and to top it all, a druggie freind of his dropped him off. He then proceeds to get full of kak when I want to know where he has been all day. My son then tells him that that is not the way to talk to me and guess what he does. He phones the police. Not sure what he was trying to prove but the ended up being removed from the premises and only came back at 03:30 this morning.

I am trying to understand why I put up with this. I usually have such a big mouth on this forum and am writing under another nick so that no one will accuse me of anything.

The man is an angel when sober. Why?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hope, however unrealistic, for cange ' embarrassment, fear that their lousy partner will take revenge if others find out about him. But in this case, he sounds like he has a significant problem with alcohol and urgently needs help to deal with that. Maybe it's a bad sign if the guy doesn't apologise, but apologies as such as so inadequate. A real apology would be for him to seek the help he needs, to prevent it from happening again, and to stop drinking.
Guys who keep getting motherless, need to be wifeless.
Within his lie, either he gets help and changes ; or he continues to do this. But there's no rule that says he should be allowed to continue to do it in YOUR life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Why | 2005/01/13

Thanks all of you, even though you did make me cry!

Probably the saddest thing here is that you all know as well as I do that this is going to happen again and again and everytime it does all I am going to do about it is cry on your shoulders and bore you all to tears.

Maybe one day ..................

Reply to Why
Posted by: Danielle | 2005/01/13

If he's anything like my ex he'll settle for option 2 or 3, because it takes less courage to get motherless than to admit that you made a mistake.

In a relationship with a man like that you can never win as long as you live with him. Things are not going to get better all on their own, not today, not tomorrow and not the day after. We know that, have faced and learned to live with the cruel fact long ago, yet we still do nothing about it. In that way we are no better than them - it's after all easier to pretend to the world that nothing's wrong rather than act and face the consequences....

Reply to Danielle
Posted by: PARIS | 2005/01/13

If its the option 2 or 3 he chooses.. kick his ass outa there, until he acts his age.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Why | 2005/01/13

Made me cry too. My boss thinks I have terrible sinus.

One of the following is going to happen, as per ususal

1. He phones me during the day to apologise
2. He doesn't phone and is motherless when I get home
3. He phones and yells at me and tells me he's leaving then he goes and gets motherless and comes home in the middle of the night.

I can't f..king win!

Reply to Why
Posted by: PARIS | 2005/01/13

We carry pain around with us quite well. But still every thing we describe here is entirely our faults. We cannot expect them to change when we allow them to do it?? Bit of a catch 22 situation.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: lolli | 2005/01/13

All the postings made me cry. Maybe its because I am also going through a hell of a relationship. Why I am still with him, only God knows.

I guess its all fear of failure, being lonely, not being able to cope without him. But believe me I think close to 75% of women go through the same hell everyday and all we do is to pretend to be happy, which is what gives these men the right to hurt us over and over again and apologise.

Reply to lolli
Posted by: PARIS | 2005/01/13

Perhaps woman pretend because we have a fear of failure. Society puts so much pressure on woman/Girls to have some one that when we do, you never want to admit that the guys a wanker, and that the relationship is not working.

On that note, Its not necessary to change your nick at all. We all have problems here wheather big or small. Also remember that no person is perfect. We all have our flaws. But u would suggest you talk to your man and let him know this behaviour is unacceptable.

If he wants to act singel then he should be single. He has a responsibility to you and your children.

I know my words probably haven't helped. But i hope you do feel better.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: R | 2005/01/13

This is so sad and a pitty that men are like this. Why, Lady nina and Danielle, I am a man and must admit that I also made some very bad mistakes in my life. Why some men do these things to women still pussles me for what happened to me and my family was because of too much love for them but that is another story. If men could only loose their echo and stop thinking that women are worth less than us and that we are the boss, things will be better in our lifes.

Reply to R
Posted by: Danielle | 2005/01/13

I lived a double life for 9 years. My friends, family and colleagues believed I was happily married, while in reality it was absolute hell.

Why? Because I was too proud to admit that my marriage was a failure and my husband a jerk. Because I was too scared of change, not knowing what will become of me if I leave (something in the line of "better the devil you know.."). Because I was desperately trying to protect myself from more hurt - what happened in my own house was bad enough, I thought I couldn't handle rejection or accusations from friends and family members. Because I was worried about what will become of him once we're divorced, since he wasn't coping at all and I was the one holding the household (and him!) together.

I have no answers. I finally left him, got a divorce, went through therapy for 2 years, got my life and my personality together again and moved on. But I still don't know why.

Best of luck,
Danielle

Reply to Danielle
Posted by: Why | 2005/01/13

Thanks, you made me cry!

Why is it that we go through hell today, tomorrow he apologies and everything is okay ........... until the next time

What the hell am I teraching my kids?

Reply to Why
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/01/13

hi why

you really don't have to change your nick when you have a problem, we will still love and respect you , we want to be there for you in the good and bad times.

anyway why don't you read my posting today , maybe like me you are affraid to change ?

i hope you bounce back soon, i know it's hard because everytime this happens something dies inside of us and we close up toprotect ourselves a little more and we are less open with others
it works for a while but we end up being lonely and insolated
from those who love and care about us

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina

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