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Question
Posted by: Fox | 2008/01/15

Why do people lie?

Hi CS.

Just wan to find out why human beings lie so much. I can understand that when a person is emotionally troubled that this may lead to some degree of confusion, but how the hell can they go out of their way to intentionally lie and hurt people in such a destructive manner. To top it all off, they then carry on as if they did absolutely nothing to you.

I had a relationship with a woman and after she ended it, she offered no reasonale explanantion whatsoever. All she did was to lie to me about several things including the fact that she never really loved me. She got to a point where she started telling her friend about what a loser I am and how she just used me. I know for a fact that almost everything was just one big lie. I have tried to deal with all of the hurt and pain, but just wanted to find out from you whether there is some psychological explanantion as to why she lied so much. I think that it is also important for me to add here that I have now realised that I deserve a whole lot better because people around us are adament that I treated her extremely well and made her feel special and comfortable. I would have done almost anything for her if she could only be honest to herself and to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Eish ! Why do people lie ? For so many reasons. Some seem persistently unfamiliar with the truth ; but pretty well everyone will lie in some situations, to further their interests, to avoid problems for themselves, for many reasons. A few might want to hurt someone else, more often they think they're protecting themselves, whether or not their choice might hurt anyone else. And some lie to themselves before they lie to you, which is why they can be so convincing, and can continue to fool themselves even when you have already seen through them.
Sounds like you've had a painful experience with a really nasty person who for a time managed to hide their nastiness from you. I'm asure you're right that you deserved and deserve, much better.
And -|||- 's comments make a lot of sense !

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Our users say:
Posted by: -|||- | 2008/01/15

In essence ALL our actions can be reduced to either an effort to gain pleasure or an effort to avoid pain. That's what I believe anyway. Why does she not offer an explanation ? - To avoid the pain of being confronted with facts. Why does she go around telling you're a loser ? To avoid the pain of being labeled a loser herself OR even to gain the pleasure of looking like a winner.......

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