Posted by: MICKEY | 2007/03/08



I've been with my boyfried for a while now and at the begining of the relationship he told me that he "needs alot of attention" and I gave him all the attention that he needed becuase he clearly had problems. When the problems became too much for both of us, he started seeing a shrink.

Now I'm 7 months pregnant and we finally worked out (with the help of his shrink) that he needs attention because his mother never gave him any (she admitted to this) but now he started questioning our relationship along the lines of:

You only with me for the sake of the child......

You going to leave me once the baby's born ....... etc, etc, etc.

can anyone tell me why some men do this???

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Our expert says:
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Dear Mickey

I realise that one major issue is lack of attention, but I believe some others are somewhat evident from what you have said.

He fears abandonment and rejection. Based on his past, he has felt rejected and abandoned and he clearly expects you to do the same to him. "You will leave me once you...." can be replaced with "You will (like my mother) abandon me when you....".

He will (at an unconscious level) drive you to fulfil his expectations of abandonment. Sad, but true - so don't let him. Just say "I am here and I am going nowhere!".

His self esteem and self image are both battered and he has become the victim in your relationship and he expects you to be the persecutor. Ask him to stop saying what he is saying, and tell him (if it is true) that you love him and that you are not leaving now or in the future.

Tell me how it goes please.

Mike LAcey-Smith
Life Coach for MEn

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mickey | 2007/03/08

Thank you for your response

Reply to Mickey
Posted by: Sparticus | 2007/03/08

You are being punished by him and start working on a back-up plan. I can't see why you should pay the price for a mom that neglected her duties. The shrink should have told you that you are the one in the firing line and should tell you how to cope. It's only you and the shrink that can tell the b/f that you are out of bounds when it comes to his problem.
I am fiercly opposed to anything that will affect the life of a child negatively and therefore I would make his fears a reality. The baby will be your biggest priority soon and the b/f will feel even more neglected. Mom -to-be , you should be the strong one and make the choices.

Why do men do this? Its not men. It's your b/f.

hope you get through the difficult stage


Reply to Sparticus

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