Posted by: coward | 2007/12/05

Why do i need a man to feel fulfilled?!!

I have had 2 disastrous relationships after my divorce, mostly due to jumping into it to soon. My divorce hit me hard as I was young and had 2 kids and I had never been alone before, so the 1st man to be interested I moved in with he basically used me financially. When I left him (after i learnt he was married)I felt so rejected and useless, I was in another relationship within a month. After 3 years now with this guy, i found the courage to break it off this morning. The relationship wasn't mutually benificial and it was more a case of me taking care of his needs, physically, financially and emotionally, and he offering nothing in return. I stuck it out so long cause i was tired of failure & didn't want to be alone. Now once again I'm alone and scared. What can I do to stop this constant need for a man in my life? I'm so scared i fall for the first man who shows interest! Being alone scares me to death. I have my kids but i'm far removed from friends and family. It's only been a few hours and already I want to ask my ex back, even though I know he offers me nothing and takes everything. Also the marries man (now divorced) that I left 3 yrs ago has offered to marry me...I don't love him, but I so much want to be a complete family.

How do I survive on my own. I want to concentrate and myself and my kids now....but it's easier said than done.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Most things really worth doing are easier said than done, but they're still do-able. It's hard to admit that one has taken a wrong path, but real failure is refusing to admit it and change ; it is NOT failure to recognize errors and to correct them.
DO see a good local realistic shrink or counsellor, preferably one who uses CBT methods, to work on your self-confidence and neediness, so that you can feel more confident and happy alone, and thus less desperate when seeking someone who will be a valid and non-using companion for the long-term. Do NOT rush into ANY other relationship until you have sorted yourself out. You can create a "complete" family later, but that requires not instant marriages, but a confident and competent mom

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: -|||- | 2007/12/05

Coward, in my experience one definitely needs to be alone for some time after divorce. Going into another relationship too soon after divorce doesn't give you a proper chance to get your head around all that has happened. I think if you can manage on your own for say, one month it will become easier. At the moment being involved is what you are comfortable with that's why the thought of being alone 'scares' you a bit, but you'll manage. People are much more adaptable than on thinks. Sit down and make a list of all the pro's of not being invloved at this moment. They are vast !!!!

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Posted by: Croxley | 2007/12/05

Coward why don't you spend more time with your kids and invite friends and their kids.Maybe that will help you appreciate life more and you will finally realise that you don't need a man to feel fulfilled or happy. It is hard but you will get there... Good Luck my sister...

Reply to Croxley
Posted by: coward | 2007/12/05


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Posted by: its possible | 2007/12/05

It is hard but you can do it , you are blessed with beatiful kids and you need to concetrate on them rather than on a man , it will take time for you to overcome loneliness

love your self and take care

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