Our expert says:
I understand how gloomy and desperate you feel. And though it is hard for you to believe at this stage and in this state, everything you mention that is wrong and unappealing about life, CAN be changed for the better. IF you will work sincerely with a good shrink to better understand and work through the problems.
You were abused, and abuse teacher yopu to devalue and disrespect yourself. Call an agency like POWA ( check local phonebook ) and get specific advice about options, support groups, etc. Obviously, you have become seriously depressed and discouraged, and maybe, as you mention a baby, there could also be an element of postnatal Depression, as a result of the hormone shifts of pregnancy.
You know, and you're right about that, that harming yourself could be immensely damaging to your son.
You URGENTLY need to see a good local psychiatrist, either directly, or through your GP, or via the nearest casualty dept. Depression and the related problems you have experienced can be VERY successfully treated, and you deserve such treatment, to relieve this miserable state you've reached, and to enable you to enjoy the trest of your life, and continue to make an even greated contribution to your child's life. "Regret" is right.
But you CAN transform your life, with the right expert help --- get it, and report back to the forum to let us know of your progress,
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