Posted by: in_love_too_soon? | 2004/11/30

Why do I feel like I need space?

I was in a serious relationship from 16 to 22 - one in which I never strayed or so much as looked at another girl. Immediately after that ended, I moved into a relationship with my current girlfriend. I'm 24 and she's turning 23.

I'm incredibly blessed in that I've found someone who is truly amazing and I'm so in love with her. She's pretty close to being the perfect girl - she's beautiful, fun, likes to party, intelligent.... I could on and on!!! We hardly ever fight and there is absolute trust between us. My friends and family adore her. In fact, if it was two or three years from now, I know we'd be getting married!

This is where the problem lies though... I feel like I need time out. I feel like I need space to live for myself for a while. From as long back as I can remember, I've had to be a very responsible person. My father never took any responsibility for the family, and I've been the one to provide emotional and financial support for my mother and sisters for a little while. Part of what I'm feeling now, is a slight rebellion towards that responsibility - exacerbated
by plans my best friend and I have to take a gap year next year and travel Europe, doing pretty much whatever we want.

This brings another problem to the fore. We're planning on leaving at the end of March next year and I don't know if I want to carry on seeing her until then. I'd prefer to end it before the end of this year... In part to protect myself and in part because of the feelings I described above.

It sounds like I know what is going in my head, but truth is I'm very confused. I'm worried I'm giving up someone who could be my soulmate and that I'll regret it for the rest of my life... I also feel like I'm letting her down which is destroying me!

Please help me understand why I feel this way and how to make sense of what to do...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Not clear --- she's perfect and your family adore her, and you want to end the relationship because you want to take a gap year ? Can't you take a gap year AND maintain the relationship ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ice | 2004/12/02

In that case, you are probably not ready yet for this kind of commitment with her.

At best you could probably be straightforward with her about what you are feeling, take the break that you need, ask if you can remain friends with each other, and when you get bakc, hope that the possibility still remains that she might want to be with you.
It's a chance you might have to take if you want to experience some freedom, plus you might end up regretting not taking the time out to get to know yourself better.

at least you are being considerate and not totally careless about the whole thing

Reply to Ice
Posted by: In_love_too_soon? | 2004/11/30

The gap year isn't the issue I'm having trouble with. I'm more concerned with the feelings I have that I need space and time out...

Whether I go overseas or not, I still feel like I need time to explore life without a girlfriend?

Sounds like a typical horny guy I suppose...

Reply to In_love_too_soon?
Posted by: in_love_too_soon? | 2004/11/30

Thought I should add that she knows about my plans for a gap year and is being very supportive of them.

Reply to in_love_too_soon?

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