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Question
Posted by: Kam | 2003/02/25

Why can't I sustain a relationship?

CyberShrink,

I'm begining to think there's something wrong with me. I'm a fun, social person and people are esily drawn to me - so I make friends very easily. However, when it comes to having a relationship with the opposite sex, the guy seems so interested in the begining, but after 2 or 3 dates, he becomes totally un-interested. This leaves me feeling unworthy and depressed. Recently, it's happened again and I'm at the end of my nerves over this. What am I doing wrong? I cannot believe that ALL these guys no-good - so it must be me....?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, Kam, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're no good, either. Sometimes, even very nice people lack some of the social skills that make it easy to start and sustain a relationship. It's had to tell, from the outside, what may hav gone wrong within these recent relatonships of yours. Have you ever been able to ask the guy ? Not as a big, emotional scene, but simply on parting, to say --- we had fun, it was pleasant, but the steam seemed to go out of things after a few dates --- can you do me the favour of giving it a little thought, and telling me what your view is of why things didn't work out ?
Of course, a psychologicst can provide counselling that can include considering one's social skills, and examining in more detail what happened in the relationsips that failed, to see what can be leaned from them.
But don't let your self-estem and self-confidence drop. You ARE a nice and fun person. If you enter into any relationship expecting failure, failure is almost guaranteed.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Kam | 2003/02/27

Boogyman,
I'm 28 yrs old and the guys have been about the same age as me. There was one guy who was a lot older (and I liked him the most of all). I was intimate with the last guy, but none of the others before him. The last thing that would normally happen after not hearing from them is surprisingly a warm goodbye. It's always been a hug and a kiss goodbye. There is just so much of confusion for me around this issue. Honestly, I don't think it's just one thing that's going on. I think that with every guy it's different, but how I feel afterwards is always the same despite the reason for him walking away. This has now happened for far too many times over the past 3 years! And I haven't begun 2003 on a good note since the last guy left about a week ago.

Reply to Kam
Posted by: Boogyman | 2003/02/26

There has to be a reason. Give us more facts: How old are you. How old were they.
How many times has this happened? What was the very last thing you did before the final goodbye? Did you make love with all ? If no, then that could be it. If yes, then it could be the way it was done. Age of the guys is very important in determining the reasons for them having lost interest. Furnish more info/clues.

Reply to Boogyman
Posted by: Kam | 2003/02/26

CyberShrink,
Thank you for the advice. It's much appreciated. I think that I will be asking the guy what you've suggested. That way I may get more answers and I won't feel down about the whole thing.

Bob,
Thank you for the advice. Thinking about it, all the guys that I've been out with have been guys I've really like a lot. There was no problem with mutual attraction and spark - and thinking that these guys feel the same way, it would seem to go well for much longer that just 2 -3 dates. But I'm wrong about that assumption all the time. I did have a good time with them and I liked being in their company. Everything seems to be going well in the begining, but they just stop with all communication - just all of a sudden and they use work as an excuse for being too busy to call. And when I do call, I feel as though I'm running after them... That's why I feel so despressed about it - I feel that they have no respect and thought for me or my feelings and that hurts like hell. I'm begining to intensely dislike males.

Reply to Kam
Posted by: Bob | 2003/02/25

From a guy's point of view we will often give up on a girl if it seems as though she shows no interest. So if you do have fun , let him know. Yes I know we have pathetic egos but we do like to know that you are interested. Good luck.

Reply to Bob

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