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Question
Posted by: confused | 2004/10/11

why can't I make up my mind

i am verbally and emotional abused frequently, and when the shouting and swearing starts, I vow to pack my bags and leave as soon as he goes out, but when there is peace and calmness in the house - I change my mind - untill the next time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sort of ambivalence is actually and sadly, common. Call an agency like POWA for specific advice on making the decision to leave an abuser, and to keep to your decision. Stop making excuses to postpone rescuing yourself and your children from this abuse --- POWA can help you to explore your alternatives to leave safely.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lolo | 2004/10/12

Hi confused.

I was in the same situation,I know its hard 2 leave u keep on telling yourself that it will stop if it does'nt u'll leave and eventually u'll never leave.I had the courage and strenght 2 leave him 3 weeks ago,and believe me Im more than happy.I always thought what am I going to do without him,how am I going 2 live my life.But I could'nt put up with the abuse anymore the last time he beat me I ended up in hospital.Its still difficult trying 2 adjust living without him but its the best thing i've ever done 4myself.

I'll pray that u have the strenght and courage to leave him and start a whole new better life without him.

Good luck.

Reply to lolo
Posted by: Sue | 2004/10/11


You have to pluck up the courage to leave this guy. What the hell are you sticking around for? You obviously think that he will change. He is never going to. Pack your bags and leave! Before you end up in the hospital with a scar on your face.

Reply to Sue
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/11

Hi Confused,

I'm sorry about that. It just gets to me everytime I hear of this, sorry.

I would really suggest you seek professional assistance here Confused. I feel you may need it to re-build your faith in yourself, & your husband may need it to realise that what he is doing is wrong. You also need to maybe get in touch with a group like POWA, as they will be give you a more valid response.

The thing is, we on the outside can very easily tell you to leave the man & things like that, but you live with him & you will know best. I feel the question you should ask yourself yourself is that are you prepared to live like this anymore. & if not what will you do to feel secure in being independant.

For a lot of women, changing this circumstance has been a decision that they are proud of doing, hopefully you have the strength to make a decision & stand by it to make your life an easier one. At the moment it seems that you are in a relationship to the detriment of your self-respect & self-esteem.

What ever you decide C, please let us know how you do?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: confused | 2004/10/11

married. 4kidz. i also ask myself why, but I have no answer. as I say when it happens i want to leave, but as soon as he is gone I have no intention of doing it. two/three years ago, i said I'll leave after my eldest finished matric, now she has, now my excuse is I'm thinking of the other o ne who just started high school.

Reply to confused
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/11

Hi Confused,

Could you please answer me why you put up with this kind of treatment??? Please???
Are you guys married? Are there children? How long has this been?
Love is NOT being terrified of the person...

Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/11

Hi Confused,

I've often wondered what it is that makes women stay...my only conclusion is that you really love him, in spite of the beating and emotional abuse. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you do find the strength to leave him. No man (or woman) is worth that. Perhaps contact POWA or one of the telephonic lines above and the can help you?

Lots of luck.

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: confused | 2004/10/11

Thanks Shaun, the thing is I am really terrified of him. when I just have the feeling he is going to start, I begin trembling. I once answered him back, and I had two weeks to think of ever doing it again! ie: iwalked around with bruises and a black eye. That was the first and last beating i had.

Reply to confused
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/11

Hi Confused,

I usually always say, that most thing happen to us because we allow them to...

If you want this behaviour to change, then I think you should make an effort to stand by your needs... Put your foot down & be determined.

There will be consequences, so think ahead...

Good luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Ja boet | 2004/10/11

Dis die lewe my skat,met liefde kan jy alles oor win.
Sterkte.

Reply to Ja boet

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