Posted by: FemChick | 2005/12/06

Why am I so attracted to her?

Ok heres my dilemma, I do have a Gf & we are happy, I saw an old aquaintance in person & on this chat forum recently she isnt my type yet I feel this sudden urge to be with her, kiss her have sex with her, she is gay but not my type, but there is something about her that just intrigues me so much, we have started emailing each other, just normal friends chat, I think she might feel the same actually but is too scared. I just want to touch her & well its driving me insane at the moment she is really nice & really pretty! Any thoughts anybody?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi FemChick and thanks for posting here.

Others may disagree with me but it sounds as if your feelings for the third person are impulsive and predominantly sexual. Which is great but you have a girlfriend and you say that you're happy. All of us are physically attracted to other people, whether we're in a relationship or not - there are some very attractive people out there!

I suggest you spend a bit of time conducting an 'audit' of your current relationship - what this relationship means to you, how functional it is for you and your partner and what has transpired to get you two to this point of your relationship's growth and development. Part of that audit would include how you and your partner manage boundaries around your relationship, including how you respond to other people you find sexually interesting. If, at the end of this, you decide that a sexual interaction with the third person is worth jeopardising your current relationship you'll be giving yourself consent to pursue her.

Remember that even if your current partner never finds out about this, it will still impact on your relationship - you'll know that you've been unfaithful and that in itself will change the fabric of your relationship. You're already on tricky ground by emailing her; if you're truly happy in your current relationship, as you claim, you may want to end this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Brad | 2005/12/06

Hi Angelina - that was our first Xmas wish on the forum? :)

Reply to Brad
Posted by: Angelina | 2005/12/06

My heart goes out to you and i know it's easier to say get her out of your mind and try to keep her out of your bed, but the truth is you do have a g/f and put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if this was her wanting someone else? I don't know what advice to give you because i made alot of mistakes myself. I was in a relationship for 6 years and it was our first time with the same sex relationship but we made it work or so we thought and then a friend of my past came on the picture and my g/f fell in love with her and i was broken but what could i do? nothing. my whole life fell apart and then her sister comforted me in the prosess and then we fell in love and we are together now for 3 years and still going strong, but i must tell you we did move far away to be out of reach of them because it's hard. Hurt is not a nice feeling and yes all of us has to go through it once at least in our lifetime but not if it can be spared. I still hate them for what they did and still try each day to forgive them but it's not easy. So think about it and try to make the right decesions ok?
Good luck and may you have a Merry Christmas.

Reply to Angelina
Posted by: honey | 2005/12/06

eish that is a tough one. ive had the same things and i've never acted on my feeking for 'the other woman'. the desire doesn't pass. i guess it is a decision you have to make -to be monogomous or not. i think if you love your gf and you want it to work with her you should probably keep your hands off this other girl, esp if it would really hurt your gf.

desire is very tough to control or overcome. if you are in a committed relationship you should stay committed. only be with this other girl if you are single.

well thats my advice. as hard as it is, its what i have chosen to do.

Reply to honey
Posted by: Friend | 2005/12/06

I think there is a destinction between a sexual attraction and a emotional attraction, I think you have an emotional attraction to this girl. sex is just a manifestation of your emotional attraction, the momment you are emotionally attracted to someone it does not come easily and very difficult to shakeoff but an emotional bond remains the path to true happiness.

Reply to Friend

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