Posted by: Bea | 2008/05/22

Why am I doing this?

My boyfriend of 5 years will not live together.

I can fight, scream and threaten as I please, he will not. He is happy with life as it is and could go on like this for ever.

I want more.

I have now ended up joining an internet dating service and I am chatting with various men. I have never cheated on this partner or any other partner. I am just no longer prepared to live like this. I want to move in together and have someone every night to talk to and to share things with and to cook for etc.

I feel extremely guilty and bad about this and have not met anyone I just talk to them and say I am not ready to meet yet.

I have tried everything with my partner. He just will not. Even counseling did not help as he is in his routine and happy with his life and could go on like this for ever.

Maybe if it was not me he'd live together, I just don't know anymore.

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Our expert says:
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Men often seem to look for considerably less in a relationship than women do, and once satisfied, see no reason whatever to deepen it or extend it. If you could find everything you needed at your local supermarket, why would you want to go hunting for more ? You've said it yourself --- he is HAPPY with the situation exactly as it is. You're not. And it seems he was really hurt in a previous marriage and refuses to move in that direction. Why do you expect that he will give up a comfortable life-style now, and do what he feels is dangerous and with a high risk of being hurt, just because that's what you want him to do ? Accept things as they are, or move on.
I'm not sure that hunting on web-based sites is the best way to meet people, let alone the sort of guy you want, who will become serious about a deeper relationship.
Cheating won't satisfy your needs, and will make you feel guilty. Rather end this relationship, recover, maybe with the help of some personal counselling, and move on realistically.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Bea | 2008/05/22

He said he will never marry again. Everytime he we are somewhere and we see someone getting married or a car with a bride in it he make's the most awful remarks.

Reply to Bea
Posted by: Maybe | 2008/05/22

Are you planning on getting married? Maybe he is one of those guys that want to wait untill he is married? I dont know if you discussed marriage as yet and what his opinion was regarding that? I'm not choosing sides but I know that I will wait untill i'm married before I move in with my girlfriend/wife.

Good luck!

Reply to Maybe
Posted by: WF | 2008/05/22

Personally if after 5 years he doesn't want to move in with you, then there is a problem. It sounds like you are ready to settle down and move towards marriage? If so, if you can't get him to move in with you, how do you expect him to propose marriage. He sounds rather childish. Would rather have his cake and eat it. I would say move on and find someone who wants to share those special things with you.

Reply to WF
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/22

Bea, I think you know what the answer is here. Cut your losses and find someone who is interested in a relationship that grows. Clearly this guy is in a rut and has no intention of getting out of it. Don't make yourself feel guilty by cheating on him, end the relationship first. Good luck.

Reply to Maria

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