Posted by: Second time | 2009/01/09


My husband work' s in JHB for 1and half years.Again this year.He now for the last year he had a cyber/telephonic relationship with the 2nd women(both Indian women) since 2005 he had more or less the same thing(secretly but it comes out with telep/bills and sms' s.He promise the 1st time never again but yet Nov' 08 I found out. Dec holiday was such a unhappy time I cried everyday.(uncertain) He now promise again.He stopped.We still dissagree on a daily base.He suggest that we split for a while.But it' s pointless we' ve got a business and he comes home ones a month.We are married for 29years. How NoW??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Someone boobed and opened this forum much earlier than they had agreed, so it's only by accident that I have discovered your message and been able to answer it during my "holiday" !
Isn't the real basis of this problem that apparently the two of you are living apart ? Is there no possibiolity that you could move to Joburg and be with him there, or that he could move back to you ? He may be feeling lonely and frustrated, and may feel that a cyber-relationship is less unfaithful than actually having a physical affair. Marriage counselling would also be a good idea, if you can be in the same place long enough to make this practical

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Our users say:
Posted by: why | 2009/01/12

Dear CS,The first time when it happened he was at home.-2005. We went for counselling.And we worked on our relationship and everything was great.He work as a contractor in JHB.Now last year he did the same thing. Cyber-relationship. Said to me he had stop it.Promise me it' s over with last women 2008.I have to stay in cape-We' ve got our own business which I have to run. With all the responsibilities.(home &  bus)And the house market is very bad.So back to hubby, will he really stop to contact this woman?Or rather cyber-contact.I was so sick the whole Dec.Every day diarrhea of stress-uncertainties.I love him so much.How can I trust him again?Because i don' t want to divorce him.

Reply to why
Posted by: Same boat | 2009/01/09

Funny, my boyfriend and I just split up a few days ago, over him having a telephonic relationship with another woman, and he does not see it as cheating, he promised not to do it again, but I found out he still was...... had to end the relationship because I spent every second moment thinking about who the other woman on the line was, when was he calling, for how long, it' s very tiring and hurtful.

I cant say what you should do, but for me, I had to let go

Reply to Same boat
Posted by: PureLife | 2009/01/09

Hi, Just think about this: Do you want to grow old and feel bitter &  miserable about the life you wasted worrying about a man that " cheats"  on you, or do you want to grow old and be happy? The rest of your answers will follow.

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