Posted by: thnk bout suicide | 2007/02/22


where do i start? some girls have it easy some girls have it hard! i dunno where i stand?I need help? i am a 16 year old turning 17 in 2007. ive been going out with this guy for nearly 10 months! i trully love him and i told him im not ready and he fully respected me he is 19. he also said he wanted to wait for the right time. he wants to be with me his whole life and i feel the same! when we were going out for 7 months the shock of our lives came! i was moving away it was my parents descision! i hate them for it! i had to give up my friends my sport my school actually my whole life! this woke up fights between me and my boyfriend afraid to loose each other afraid worst things could happen! my parents hated out relationship because we love each other so much and wanted to be together every moment we could! we got trust now im from afrikaans to english highshcool doing grade 11.its so hard i cant cope! my parents keep me from seeing him . they think its easy if i cant see him in 3 weeks and its hell! he is the only one who knows how i feel. i want to be with him! i want him to hold me in his arms that is what we both want! i flew to him without my parents knowing i had a great night with him just to be with him! just to see him again! my parents found out! they took my cellphone money sport away and they dont want me to contact him! my dad doesnt want him in his house! the thing id it wont break us apart! we love each other so much! its so hard!i don't regret doing it! i wrote letters! im seeing councelor ect... next year i am turning 18 and want to move out the house! i wanted ti know if i will be able to move out sooner! im trying to get a pat time job mabey waitersing to get money to save for a cellphone he phones me. and so i can also mabey afford to do my sport. i hate my lief and want to begin a new one with him i need advise! i cry every night. ive lost weight. i'm depressed! my boyfriend is there for me and wants to take me away from all this and i want t go!!! help please! they say i should cope with reality and stop being so oblivious to the outside world!this is just one of my problems! so many more!! help! please! i wanna move out

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Our expert says:
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tbs, I want to treat you with respect by speaking to you directly and honestly, rather than fluffing up my remarks to just be popular with you.
You'll probably not want to hear it, but sensible and kindly people are likely to point out that at 16 it is really dangeous to be so CERTAIn about things --- this sounds like your first experience of love , so you don't have a range of other experiences to judge it by or compare it to. One's first love always feels like this is all there is or could be. It seems far more huge, important and unique than it really is. 16 is NOT an age to be together every moment that is possible --- there are things that are necessary in your life and his, like completing a useful degree of education, and gaining more experience of life and of yourself, things which are important and which you can't postpone till later.
Moving can be frustrating, and of course at this stage you are VERY aware of what you'll miss and what you're leaving behind, and completely unaware of what you are moving to, and what you will still discover and gain from the move. And now there is this conflict with your parents. The more you demand that you must stay with this miraculous guy for ever and ever, the more they fear that this will be ultimately a bad and hurtful relationship for you. And the more they try to prevent you from seeing him, the more you are intent on defying them and being with him anyway.
Don't catastrophize, though --- don't turn all of this into a bigger emergency than it really needs to be. Work hard with your counsellor, and keep your mind open to diferent ways of thinking about this --- you seem to be making up your mind about these things too quickly, too firmly, and without allowing wisdom to play any part in it.
The world is as it is. We may not like all aspects of thatm, but it's the only world we have. With effort, we can gradually change some aspects of it, to better suit how we want things to be. We have to recognize it as it is, to cope with it, and to get as much as we want from it as is possible --- ignoring it, or refusing to accept how it works, just keeps us further from what we want, not closer. And don't think of suicide --- that would be the one totally certain and permanent way to ensure that you would never ever see him again -- surely that's not what you would want ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Brittania | 2007/02/23

Meisie, wat kan ek sê. Jy het alreeds besluit wat jy wil hê.Jy is jonk jou hele lewe lê nog jou. Wat wil jy eendag bereik?'n suksesvolle beroeps vrou, blink motor, pragtige huis langs die see met sekuriteit, oorseese vakansie, jou eie besigheid dus waarvoor jou moet streef in die lewe.Jy moet met trots sê dus ek, my ouers, met die hulp van God wat ek dit bereik het Jou ouers gee die geleentheid vir jou om te studeer as jy nie gebruik v.d geleentheid gaan dit te laat wees en ouderdom tel ook. Glo my hulle weet wat reg is vir jou.Daar gaan baie outjie op verlief wees. As hy jou maagdelik geneem het kan jy dit nooit, nooit terugkry nie.Met hoeveel mans gaan jy slaap oor die ouderdom van 25jr voor jy jou man ontmoet.Ek glo seks is gemaak vir die huwelik. Eks 33jr besit my maagdelik hoeveel kry was die hart nie in stukkies nie.Werk met jou kop nie en met jou hart of virgina.Familie is baie belangrik.Dink as jou verhouding skeef loop haarheen gaan jy na jou ouers. Ek kon ook nie verstaan hoekom my ma sê maak eers die studies klaar nie vandag in jou geval verstaan ek.

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Posted by: think bout suicide | 2007/02/22

thankx for u'r post!i appreciate u'r advise.i don't know why i feel this way!but am miserable and cry everyday because i do not wanna be here!i wish to be in my previous school where i was so happy!everything was so perfect!now everything changed for i am happy for the fact that the rest of my family are happy!but am hating life. i am now working at a restraunt and getting money to help my bf pay for a plain tickt to come down and visit me. he phones me very night with tears and telling me i am his everything ect.. he is matric. he has had a lot of painful relationships.i know. and i also have experienced hurt in many ways!this is an amazing guy and i ove him so much!i will do anything for him!when i turn 18 next year im moving out i will finish my matric and work hard so have good marks and apply at universities for scholarships.i have plans.and he is with me 100%. i love him so much!he loves me ven billion times more. i feel so strong toward him and cant imagine life without him!friends well the ones i have now are alchoholic drinking maniacs and try to keep my school ii pretend to enjoy myslf, but as i get hom i cry and cry and sometimes i fight so badly with my parents i would get something sharp and try cut myself to try and ease the pain i have. i think of my boyfriend which stops me from doing cause i know i cant kill myself and do it to him1!i want to be with him. my love for him is so strong. i wil never love someone this much!do so much for a someine i love so truly?am i wrong? am i confused what...

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