Posted by: Anon24 | 2012/12/12

Who is in the wrong?

Good day,

I just want to get opinions on wheter I was wrong?

Last night I went out with my work for our year end function, this is the firts time I went in the five years I work for this company.

My fiance whom I have been with for 9 Years now dropped me off and like a child I got a curfew of 9:30 if I phone him after that he will not pick me up.

Firstly he Sh@t me out because my navigation system gave a wrong turn so I was in trouble about that, when we found the place I wanted to give him a kiss goodbey and he just gave me the cheek and reminded me in a rude manner that I have a curfew.

Our starters only came at 20.30 and I sent him a message to say that we only started eating, there was like 20 minutes between each course, after we hadmain course all the smokers went outside for a smoke, as I am one of them I went with, leaving my phone in my bag, when we came back we had speeches which took about 15 mins and after that when I looked on my phone I had 6 missed calls from 21.16 to the last one at 21.23. I imediatly phoned back when I saw that he tried to phone me. The firt time he just hung up and the second time he answered wtih " did you see what time it is"  " when are you deciding to come home"  I calmly replied that we havent even had our deserts yet, then he rudely asked why I did not answer my phone and I explained and he said" the whole time?"  he then also ridely asked if he must come pick me up or if I am going to arrange lift with someone elde to take me home and I said he must come get me.

I went back inside, got my bag and thanked my bosses for the evening and said goodbey to everybody, went outside and waited for him for 50 minutes then he eventually arrived. I got in the car and greeted him and got no reply, sudenly he rudely said " did you enjoy drinking"  and I said " no"  and he said yes it smells like it. I only had 2 single drinks, I mean I am out with my work I did not go jolling. so we went home and I just got in bed and slept

Now today he is not talking to me at all.

So was I wrong for having 2 drinks and obviously not keeping by his cerfew? I just feel that I deserved this dinner with my work as I work very hard and he had his work function without me bothering him once.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he was unduly churlish and unpleasant, for a friend, let alone a fiancee.
Of course you did absolutely nothing wrong - he was selfish, over-controlling and pathetic, treating you like a young teenager. As you mention, he presumably idn['t give himself any curfew with his own work finction ? FOr Pete's sake, it happens once a year ! If he has to make such a chidish and petulant fuss over this, imagine how much worse this could become if you married him ! Think very carefully about where you're going with this relationship. Maybe he's already well past his curfew !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Michelle | 2012/12/13

You need to think carefully before you marry someone like this. A close family member is married to a man that doesn''t ever want to do anything social and she''s never allowed to go and do anything by herself. It''s a type of jelous behaviour and he''ll always have the sulks for days on end if she just dared to suggest going somewhere without him - even though he never wants to go out anyway. It''s not worth living your life like that.

Reply to Michelle
Posted by: Annie | 2012/12/13

Get rid of this guy because it will get worse once you are married. There is nothing wrong with going to a work function on your own. That is the company''s way of thanking you for your hard work for the year so I do not see why you should bring along a partner unless the partner also works for the same company.

Reply to Annie
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/12/12

lol lady all I can say is you must be crazy to be put up with this sh*t! BUT I’ m sure you knew that.
Anyhow Romany I totally agree but then on the flip side there are a few side companies who do this.
I guess it’ s your choice really and it’ s once a year so I really wouldn’ t mind and your partner should also understand.
Yes it is your family time they cutting into but hey, 2-3 hours for the year(is it really that much of a sacrifice)

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Anon24 | 2012/12/12

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies, It is much appreciated, so now I can stop looking for the fault with myself as I am now sure I was not at the wrong.

I just feel like I am not allowed to enjoy myself and my life, be myself. I feel like I can''t do or say anything right and I am really trying very hard to work on this relationship and all my faults that I do have, but what is the use when he says he will try but does not.

Once again Thank you all

Reply to Anon24
Posted by: Me Again | 2012/12/12

Ditch him, or learn to like being treated like a naughty child. And if he starts like this, he will start beating you too, as he obviously feels that he owns you, body, spirit and soul!!

Reply to Me Again
Posted by: Purple | 2012/12/12

He sounds awful. Get rid of the childish fool.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Romany | 2012/12/12

Personally I think it is unprofessional for any business to have an out-of-office, after hours function and invite the staff only. It is after hours and not part of your duty/work.
If my work invite me to a funcction where there will be eating, drinking and socialising and I cannot take my husband/wife/partner, I wil politely decline.
My " after hours"  belong to my loved ones.
Yes, I know...... rip me to pieces.....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: ref | 2012/12/12

You did nothing wrong by going to the funtion u deserve it and u also deserve to hang around with people.he is just a immature controlling freak with some insecurities.he must get over himself and start treating you with respect

Reply to ref
Posted by: Maria | 2012/12/12

Could it be that he is feeling guilty about something that HE did and now he is taking it out on you?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012/12/12

Why would you want to marry someone who treats you like this? I assume it wasn''t the first time? He sounds really immature.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon24 | 2012/12/12

Hi Candice,

Thanks for the reply, Just to answer your qeustions.

I dont believe I have ever given him reason to act like this. If he does go out without me which realy happens once a blue moon (we dont really go out without each other, but this was a work function)I dont bother him much. I will ask him what time I can expect him back and so on.

I have never cheated on him in the 9 years we have been together and I really dont have a drinking problem. I do drink but I will have a drink or 2 I dont drink myself into a coma. So if I have ever given him a reason to be like this...I honestly dont know where and when. I give him his space if he asks for it he is also a grown up and should not have to spend his hole existance with me

Reply to anon24
Posted by: CANDICE | 2012/12/12

He is too controlling! You are an adult women - who needs a curfew? You sat the whole of last night stressing about him when you should have enjoyed yourself.

But as we dont know your full history I am not sure how you treat him with this sort of thing - would he go out without you and then do you give him strict instructions to be home @ a certain time and then tell him what he can and cannot drink? Are you both like this?? Have you dissapointed him in the past? Has he got reason to act like this??

However whatever the answers are to the above always remember you are an individual. He really should be happy that you have an opportunity to go out and enjoy yourself. He sounds very insecure and childish. You let him know about the situation last night that things were running late with supper and the talks. He really needs to get over himself and grow up! I really do not think you are in the wrong!

Reply to CANDICE

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