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Question
Posted by: June | 2007/06/07

Who does he love?

My husband's ex-wife recently got divored from her 2nd husband and apparently she can't manage financially so my husband is contributing to her situation financially. I totally disagree with this especially seeing that she has not given up any of her luxuries in order to help herself yet I have to do without things I need. When I try to speak to my husband about this he gets really annoyed with me and tells me that if I need or want something then I must get a job (currently I run my own small business at home but don't make a lot of income). I have asked him why he is happy to give her money yet he can see his own wife doing without, he then gets angry with me and never gives me a straight answer. I feel very strongly that he still loves her, after all love is as love does isn't it? Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She divorced him and has to take responsibility for her own life and support. If she then re-married and re-divorced, again, her financial situation was something SHE had to sort out with THAT husband --- its very unfair for her to expect your husband, her ex ex, to contribute to keeping her. Why does he expect YOU to "get a job" to add to the family earnings --- why doesn't he just tell HER to get a job, as indeed she must.
If they share children, of course he ought to contribute towards support of the kids maintenance --- but not her. It does sopund as though he feels guilty for some reason. Is marriage counselling an option ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: June | 2007/06/08

Thanks for the repsonses. To answer your questions, they got divorced because she was having an affair with my husbands boss therefore he could no longer trust her. They do have children but they live with us and she does not pay maintenance! my husband has custody because his ex wife continually abondoned the children to go over seas.
Marriage counselling may be an option CS, how do we go about getting this?

Reply to June
Posted by: C. | 2007/06/08

I agree with RMC, he feel guilty. JP, why do you say he still loves her? Can you read his mind? Do you have any idea how much this statement can hurt, even coming from a total stranger? Please, do not say such things if you don't nearly have all the facts!

Reply to C.
Posted by: JP | 2007/06/08

Does your husband have children with this women. I think he still have feeling with this women. He still love this women. What he is doing doing is nonsense. He need to choose between the the two of you. He is hurting you. It must stop

Reply to JP
Posted by: RMC | 2007/06/08

perhaps he feels guilty - why did they get divorced?

Reply to RMC

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