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Question
Posted by: koosvdm | 2004/02/22

whife is cold to sex

is there any medicine to give to a woman to make her orouse fr sex . we have been married for 27 years but late ly my wife 46 of age well build and fit is not interested in hot sex . the normal position every time if im lucky twice a week but it is like a normal job to her. is there an thing on the market i can put in her tea or coffee that is tastless to arrouse her i like a long foreplay but it irretates her.
thank you so far

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

If you are hungry and your partner is also hungry, there will be little disagreement over what to eat and how often to eat it. Both having a desire for satisfaction allows comfortable cooperation in the planning, the preparation and the consuming of the meal. Just as two hungry people are both eager to eat, when both partners have similar sexual appetites they are both likely to be eager to make love.

When one partner is hungry but the other is not, the hungry one’s invitation to eat may not be enthusiastically accepted. Talking of pizza may fall on deaf ears and presenting a cookbook may not promote a keen interest in eating, or even reading about food. In fact, trying to force food will likely backfire, stirring resentment and avoidance, rather than awakening a desire to eat. Pressure or coercion has never stirred appetite. In similar fashion, pressure fosters sexual avoidance, not sexual passion.

With biological hunger for food, we may invite our partner to eat with us and, if he or she is not interested, we might say, “If you are not hungry, I’ll just eat alone and satisfy myself.” This is reasonable. The one making the statement usually feels OK saying it and the listener is usually OK hearing it. However, when it comes to the biological hunger for sex, we may not feel so good about saying, “If you are not feeling like making love, I’ll just play alone and satisfy myself!” Furthermore, many partners would be appalled that their ravenous mate would even think of such a thing. If you are hungry, it is OK for you to eat alone, but if you feel sexy, it may not be OK for you to orgasm alone!

The difference between our thinking of satisfying an appetite for food and satisfying an appetite for sex is most dramatic when it comes to satisfying the hunger with someone else. We might say to our partner, “Since you are not hungry, I’ll go have a meal with a friend.” That’s usually OK with everyone involved. However, if we say, “Since you are not feeling like sex, I’ll just go and climax with my friend!” the reaction will be quite different.

We need to understand sexual desire not just as a biological hunger, but as an appetite with some very interesting psychosocial limitations and interpersonal implications!!.

A very famous Chicago Psychiatrist and the Director of the Loyola Sexual Dysfunction clinic, Prof Domeena Renshaw taught me about the “Four T’s”.

Touch: The important of touching each other
Time: We need time to make love
Talk: We have to communicate and be able to express our needs to each other
Trust: Possibly the most important component in any relationship.

Try Prof Renshaw’s winning recipe for a while and see if you can cook up a storm in the bedroom.

Dr Elna McIntosh
PS. Congratulations, I don't often see couples theses days that have been married for 27 years. Unfortunately there are no pills for her tea or coffee, but you can write to me at disa@icon.co.za and I will forward you info on our "7 weeks to better sex program"

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romantic coach | 2004/02/24

Koos, foreplay doesn't start at 10.00pm when you get into bed and wifey has been running around all day and night doing things around the house while you are watching last weeks cricket or rugby highlights. Foreplay can sometimes start first thing in the morning and go on for days.

During the day send her an SMS telling her how good she looked that morning while she was getting dressed. Later in the day send her another just saying that you hope she is having a good day. And from there you build up to getting naked in bed.

I'm sure that the programme the doc speaks about will contain something similar.

I hope that you can get it all sorted out...soon.

Reply to Romantic coach

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