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Question
Posted by: Jo-Jo | 2007/12/20

Where do I go from here??

My life sucks...it sucked ever since my g/f broke with me 8 months ago...well she cheated on me with her ex...we have a 4yr old son together...I swore never to take her back again

In October we got back together sorted or at least tried to sort our things out...I thought
I still loved her...she said she loved me too...then in November, she tells me that she is expecting my child....HUH???I was shocked...how could it be mine????I asked myself a thousand times over & over again..how could it be...but then I thought....we had unprotected sex when we made up again....maybe three times unprotected sex...I didn't ejaculate in her or so I think....but it can be possible that I did...In fact Im sure I did cum inside her...but to cut a long story short...I accepted responsiblity for my deeds and for my ignorance...

Ok...I stay alone in my house...she stays with our son at her mom's place...so we suggested, that for the "SAKE" of the "KIDS", we should move in next year together...I have a job that pays three times her salary...have my own car, house money everything is worked out for me...she on the other hand dumped me for her ex..I took her back and not even two months into our "make-up" she is pregnant...

Now Im asking myself what if she planned this whole thing???what if ...what if...I want to live as a family...I want to be there for my kids...but now i have this mixed feelings concerning their mom...
I feel we are no longer sexually compatable...I do sleep over at their place sometimes, but there is no sex involved...I asked her if Im doing something wrong or if her sexual needs has disappeared. and she tells me that she is not in the mood...so how can I live with some1 that is not sexually attracted to me....Am I doing myself injustice by opting to stay with some1 liek this???she is not a bad person...well she cheated on me...I got her pregnant....now I want to be there for my kids...and she will also be involved...

I reaaly dont think there is enough love between us to raise another child...but abortion is no option...Im not a coward...neither is she...but how can I stay with some1 that doesn't love me the way that I want to be loved???how can I decide to live with some1 whom I don't love enough????I know that after the break-up...there was a lot of love lost form both sides......but what do I do now???I can't just leave her with two kids!!!!!!!!!can I???I can't just walk away as if nothing is happening...but I cant stay and not be as happy as I want to be...

I don't know...maybe this whole story of mine doesn't make any sense to u..I don't know...How do I live my life in such a situation???I send her sms's now and then with"I LOVE U HEY"....how can
I be sich a liar???how can she be such a liar....???


WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME?????????????????????????? ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though you two somehow and for some reason do want to be able to continue the relationship, but are not able entirely on your own, to sort out the issues so as to achieve this. See a good local marriage counsellorm ( eg through FAMSA ) and work on this together, but with proper expert direct assistance. This doesn't commit you to remaining together, but enables you both to make a better and more informed decision, about the child and the relationship itself

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: KWAKS | 2009/02/06

health and food relationship and cheating

Reply to KWAKS
Posted by: Britty | 2007/12/20

There is no law that says you have to stay with this woman but you do have to be responsible for your children's maintenance.

Set your mind at rest regarding the father of this second child and get a blood test done as if you are going to be the father you have the right to know the truth and lastly both of you need counselling as well. Take care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/20

I agree with the other posters. Counselling will help you guys to sort out your feelings and your goals for the future. She may simply not be in the mood for sex because she is pregnant. And you can insist on a paternity test once the child is born, to set your mind at rest about whether it really is yours.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: michael_pta | 2007/12/20

Hi,

wow - your story sounded like a friend of mine. He was in a similar situation only to find out that the g/f got pregnant by someone else. Now don't get me wrong about her, it's just something you need to think about. It could be that she is using you for your money and feelings for her. I could totally be wrong and it is yours, you will only know when it is born. I know I might sound harsh and nasty but it happened to my friend so I know about it.

You need to understand that she is going through a hectic time as Lolo and Jelly have explained and us men have no idea of what it is really like. Be patient about the sex thing, be open and speak about it to her. Believe me that there are many ways to satisfy yourself with or without her. I hope you catch my drift.

My honest opinion is to follow your heart. Be brave and strong and think of the kids. Good luck.

Reply to michael_pta
Posted by: Lolo | 2007/12/20

you are an adult and u know the results of unprotected sex, that baby might be yours why did't u use condom?

you need to love the coming child as yours and be a good father too, councelling will also help both of you as you still have uns=resolved issues.

Trust plays a big role here, you need to learn to trust her again.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Jelly | 2007/12/20

First of all – I would suggest marriage counseling, you guys have serious issues you need to sort out together.

Second, yes yes yes its very possible. That is how our second was was conceived. We were on the pill, and he also pulled out every time, but somehow we managed to get it right – sperm I tell you are sneaky little buggers!
And for the loss of sexual appetite – let me tell I was a wreck the fist 5 months of my second pregnancy – horrible morning sickness, constantly tires, feeling bloated and horrible, so I don’t think you are the problem, I think the pregnancy and hormones are too blame. Remember, pregnancy is NOT an easy thing to go through , your entire body changing, your hormones going all weird on you making you cry for reasons you don’t understand, or angry at nothing … trust me on that one, its not always a bed of roses !!! no two pregnancies are alike, so don’t expect this time to be like the last time with your LO!

To me it seems like your main issue now is the lack of sex – you feel rejected and unwanted. This is def not the case, but I strongly suggest getting some outside help, and working on your issues. remember, life is not about you anymore, its about your two children and don’t ask yourself “why me” – that is selfish to them!

Reply to Jelly

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