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Posted by: Liza | 2005/01/10

When will I become stable again?

I'm getting so tired of medication working for a month or two, and then slowly the problems come back. I'm slowly getting depressed again - first I had a crying bout in November. Then another end December. Since then it has been slowly downhill. Feel like crying right now. Then again I also want to slowly strangle my boss. I have to report to her everytime I finish with something and if I don't report she gets highly upset. I do let the person who wanted the work done in the first place know as soon as the work is complete. Plus in the evenings I give her a full report on everything I have done for the day before I leave.

In the mornings she tells me what my priorities for the are going to be. I then accept this and start working down the list. Inbetween she starts sticking in other things that I have to do NOW - whilst still keeping to my deadline of finishing my priority list by the end of the day. I'm tired of trying to keep her happy - I did try over December since its the most difficult month of the year for our company (medical aid plans changing etc. that we have to load onto our systems so that pharmacies can quickly know when they can dispense mediicine and what the levies will be). I worked major overtime hours. I even worked on public holidays ('cept Christmas and the 26th).

It keeps on getting more difficult to keep my concentration on my work and off my depression. What should I do? I feel like lodging a grievance against her, but I'm scared that it will affect my raise as well as my working conditions. I like the company and the work that I do and don't want to lose it. Advice anyone?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Liza, what you're describing sounds like the meds are actually working, but that, as is usually the case, they are not, on their own, enough --- surely you need good counselling / psychotherapy AS WELL, to identify the triggers, sort out the negative automatic thoughts and reactions that are troubling you, and work on improving still further your problem-solving skills for working on the issues troubling you ?
OK, sounds like an over-controlling boss. How annoying. It's a shame that almost always, people are made a boss for office-politics reasons, and never given any actual training in how to be effective as a boss ; so most of them make a mess of it. It's like my old, late, pal Northcote Parkinson wrote, of how everyone in an organization rises to their Level of Incompetence ? If you're good at your job, they promote you -- until you reach a job you can't do ( maybe like your boss ) --- and then they stop promoting you, so such people get stuck all over the organization, messing up the work of others.
When she arrives to add new priorities to the list she already supplied at the start, can't ou ask her which of the original list of priorities they are to replace ? Remind her that the morning list was planned to cover every important priority AND to be achievable within the day, so obviously adding items to the list implies that these new items are more impotan than some of the original list, and ought to replace them, and that as the first list was properly planned to fill the day, additional items could well make it impossible to complete the list within the day.
Can you discus this with you HR people ( short of lodging a formal complaint just yet )? And maybe after the raise is decided, if that'snot too far ahead ?
You are unique in many ways, including being the first person I have met who mourns the postponement of their sky-diving hobby ! Is there any safer substitute in the meantime ? Maybe helping with the skydiving team, such as going up in the plane, or whatever ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Janelle | 2005/01/11

This is a difficult situation and I really do empathize with you.

Maybe you could have a chat with your boss and follow it up with an Aide Memoire of the main points of your discussion and the agreements / resolutions you reach during the meeting. You should then keep one copy of the document, and Human Resources another. Let your boss keep the original. Purely for record purposes. Whatever you do, do not file a grievance against her. It is not in your own interests to do anything which could cause her to feel threatened as she will then only retaliate, and make life even more difficult for you,.

Best Wishes
Janelle

Reply to Janelle
Posted by: glenda | 2005/01/10

I wish to offer just a simple little advise which worked for me. Dont allow anyone to make you unhappy without your permission. Take control of your emotions and say I will not allow a stranger to have such an effect on my life. Remember your boss has no idea nor does she care how you feel, so why let her get the benefit and you are the one that is suffering.. Each morning if you shower or bath or while brushing your teeth, say to yourself, "I will not let her upset me today" and say this with meaning. However i agree that each time she adds a new item - question her about the priorities. But really dont allow people like that to ruin your life.

Reply to glenda
Posted by: Mickey | 2005/01/10

Hi Liza,

Is it because of the depression that you arent allowed to sky-dive?

Reply to Mickey
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/10

Hi Liza,
I wish I had some advice and you really do sound depressed but all I can say is hang in there and try to talk to your boss, telling her you like the job but feel she is a bit overbearing, you will give her a daily report and you will reach you deadline as long as she leaves you be. The meds take a while to work properly.
Good luck and Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Liza | 2005/01/10

Plus I want to start skydiving again so much that it hurts. I can imagine the adrenaline whilst going up in the plane and watching the ground fall away - the extra rush as you go out onto the step to dive - that total peaceful feeling when your parachute is open and you can see for miles. Then I remember that I'm not currently allowed to and the depression sets in again.

Reply to Liza

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