Posted by: scared | 2008/09/08

when is it ok to stop trying

I stayed with my husband for 7 years before he actually asked me to marry him - we are together for 14 years now - I married a very good guy,he is financially supportive and a very good father to our girl, maybe the problem lies with me - I am so hurt that nothing makes sence- All these years we had fights over ONE thing only- it is true all our fights is based one 1 problem - all the men are looking at me and he is tyred to look after me - I am not a beuatiful woman, I am very faithful to my husband - other men do not even bother me - maybe it is because I am to scared to look , we cannot go out- even to a school function - it always ends up men are looking at me, and I am getting punished and accused of what they do - he has jit me several times, threatened me to kill me with a knife, all because a guy is looking at me... he hardly ever accuse ME of looking - it is always because of the men - no matter the age or the race - men are men...I was on the verge to leave him, then he agreed to see a phyciatrist - his conclusion were my husband is having an anxiety disorder and that there is not much he could do - we stopped the session - as they were basically just talked about his work and not the problem at hand..Saterday he had an attitude towards me again, because we had a braai at my very first friend in 14 years - and now her husband was looking at me, he was not included in our conversation - I never picked up that he felt out - according to me - it was a very nice evening, and he is tiered that one of his friends talks to him but looks at me - we havent seen them the last month or so - when he drank it was worse, so when we decided to have a child we stopped to drink - two weeks agao he had a few beers - I was upset, now he can not understand why I can talk to other people who drinks and he can not then it is wrong - Maybe it is not so serious - I just do not want to always be alone and always stays at home and he can do and go what ever - I do not think I am prepared to carry on like this for the next 14 years - like i said - this is the only thing we fight about - forever - I do not want my child to be automatically be banned from events etc just because her mother can not go - I just feel I do not deserve to be treated like this - I have never gave him any reason not to trust me- I don' t know how this day is going to end - will I have the courage to walk out - or am I going to be the " abusive"  woman for ever?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dont accept blame for his pathological degree of jealousy and suspicion that is based on his insecurity, and not on your behaviour. And if he has hit and threatened you, this is abusive. Call POWA or some similar organization designed to advise and help abuised women, and examine your options so as to keep yourself safe. UNless he will agree to seek help for his anxiety and very low self-esteem from a capable psychiatrist ( the ast one sounds to have been useless and remarkably uninterested in being helpful ) , you may need to plan a safe way of leaving and maintaining yourself

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/21

he had girlfriend, stepdaughter used to visit her took the child to my mother to sort things out her mom passed away.

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