Our expert says:
It takes, on average, two minutes for a man to ejaculate, but due to the
differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their
orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners.
Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of
these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as you stop
taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps you could learn to
delay your ejaculation...?
way to learn this would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your
physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your
testicles, heart rate, etc) and at which point you need to ease off before it's too
late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to
help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with
8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or
6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or
changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths,
and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow
of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you
can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing
ejaculation to take place.
Your wife needs to understand all of this too - and she could be a great help by asking where you
are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You
stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks)
and then once you have had some success, perhaps your partner could stimulate
you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained
confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely
to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the
vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to
begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your partner on top
so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must
remember to direct your partner to slow, stop, or start again as you need.
important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal,
otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your partner may feel
frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process.
Good luck and enjoy!
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