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Question
Posted by: MN | 2007/04/24

when fantasy becomes reality

Hi

I've been with my partner for 3yrs and we had a toddler together. I also have 2 kids from my exhusband. Being a divorcee, I've learnt from my mistakes in my marriage and I work extra hard at my relationship. We share a good relationship and I love him dearly. In the past years we've probably fought a few times.
My problem is this, he doesn't believe I love him. Even with all my support, loveing gestures and me trying my utmost to be a good partner, he believes I don't care enough for me. I confronted him last week re what he considers love. He says its when a couple synagises. When you give up of yourself in order to make ur partner happy. I've given alot of myself for him, but it's not enough, because there is one thing I REFUSE to do.

He fantasizes of joining me while I have sex with a young boy, even as young as13! I've explained to him that fantasizing is one thing, but I draw the line at doing it. It's illegal and immoral. We have a regular sex life and I don't want to share my body with another man, esp not a poor innocent boy. He has now broken up with me because he says I don't love him enough. I feel like a failure. I've already been divorced and tried so hard to make this succeed, even becoming the least in the relationship. I've seen the changes he has made in order to make me happy too.
But I just can't cross the line between fantacy and reality.
I'm so lost without him. We had something good. At times I want to give just to have him back, but it feels like selling my soul for love?
I'm I rteally such a failure at Love?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

But love, however else you define it, is a 2-way process, a joint venture --- so how does he believe HE is showing love to you > How is he creating the synergy he talks of ( if can't be done by one person ). And your joining him in acting out one of his grubby sexual fantasies has nothing whatever to do with love, and it sounds as though he is using one of the oldest methods of coercion in the book : "IF you loved me, you would do this" ; "IF you won't do this, you don't love me enough" NONSENSE !
You're absolutely right, what he proposes is illegal and immoral. Don't even imagine having him back unless he agrees to joi n you, first, in serious marriage counselling, to work on his sick fantasies ( which became sick when he tried to blackmail you into making them realities ).

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2007/04/25

What will you prefer, a jail sentence for being a "child rapist" ?

Reply to ?
Posted by: Moi | 2007/04/25

What the ?????? Is he being serious?
Honey, I cannot believe that you've been such an incredible partner to him. Believe you me, he knows VERY WELL how much you love him - he's just been trying to use the oldest teenage trick in the book "if you loved me, you would..... whatever the case may be". He's trying emotional blackmail to get you to do something that is so incredibly disgusting that I would seriously consider not letting him have contact with my kids any longer. If he's fantasizing it and trying to get you to act it out, I have to wonder how far he'll go to actually achieve it.

Fantasies are fun and healthy, but this one is clearly NOT. It borders on child pornography as far as I'm concerned and if he's thinking it, then he's probably watching it some way shape or form. Good for you for not wanting any part of it.

A 13 year old boy is a CHILD for heaven's sake? He may as well be asking you to have sex with an animal as far as I'm concerned because it would be just as wrong.

Stick to your guns - say "good riddance to bad rubbish" and go ahead with life focussing on your kids because that man is no good for you nor for them.

Reply to Moi
Posted by: Eeeeek!!!!!! | 2007/04/24

He is sick!!!! GET out before he infects you with some disease!

Reply to Eeeeek!!!!!!
Posted by: southernwrite | 2007/04/24


I think he was maybe looking for a way out - I mean sleeping with a 13yo ? - so he uses it as a weapon against you - fantasies are nice and exciting but acting out one's like that are just a bit over the top - he will be back but stand your ground

Reply to southernwrite
Posted by: Awestruck | 2007/04/24

I think that you are incredibly brave and strong. I admire your sense of moral purpose.

Reply to Awestruck

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