Our expert says:
I hear that you feel frustrated and disappointed.
But what you describe is a problem needing solutions, not a reason to give up and leave the guy, who will be even more devastated if you do.
I am wprroed, too, about the extent to which your concerns seem to be about him falling short of what you expect of him, of what you think would be "appropriate", "ideal", or "suited".
ing, about what is "appropriate", as though there are universal laws about these things.
Apparently his parents, sadly, failed him, and spoiled his younger sister at his cost - sad, but that happens. And it can cause long-term damage to someone's self-esteem and confidence. Neither of you must give power to the inadequate parents or the spoiled sister - there support and encouragement would have been useful, but are not needed for him to lead a successful and happy life.
Do get the results of his testing, as it can be useful to both of you as a guide to what would be a useful way forward. He may be reluctant, feeling it'll turn out to be just something else he will feel he has failed. If the testers are any good at all, they should have identified his strengths as well as weaknesses.
You don't need to put aside all your own dreams just to encourage his, but could work together to find ways to move ahead together. Maybe he can be persuaded to join you in couples counselling with a CBT approach ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy is potent at changing such fixed negative expectations and beliefs )- if he can be persuaded to see it as a way in which he could very valuable HELP YOU.
He clearly sees the situation as hopeless, and isn't prepared to risk further failures ( or what feel to him as failures ). Work in bite-sized chunks -select small areas of effort where he can definitely achieve success, so he can start to learn that failure isn't inevitable. Emphasize and enhance his abilities rather than his disabilities.
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