Posted by: olive-green | 2008/08/05

when do I help ?

I have been " dating"  this guy for over 12 month now. He has told me on several occasions that he does not want a relationship. We spend 6 days a week together. He is not employed at the moment he is starting out his own business so he does not have any cash coming in at the end of the month. Like I said we see each other, 6 times a week, he sleeps at my house those 6 days. He stays with a friend so it is more sensible and private for us to spend more time at my place. We have already done the HIV test and we thinking of a baby. We get along very well,

His reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship is that he does not bring anything finically on the table. I respect what he is trying to achieve, I feel he is very talented and very ambitious , I can see where he is going with this dream. He does not ask for money or anything from me. He helps around the house, he is loving and considerate and I love having him in my life. I believe he is destined for greater things.

My question is , sometimes am tempted to help with money here and there but I do not know if it is the right thing to do. You know , this saying that a man must be a man .I woman can not be taking care of a man, I find it very frustrating. when do we as woman help our men achieve the impossible? This saying about behind every successful man is a woman where does it come from. How am I helping if I just listen when he tells me about issues, when I have the means to help. What kind of a person does that make me? If the roles were reversed, would I not like him to assist me in achieving my goal, if he can??

Do I just stand there and watch him suffer when I know I can help? I can make the process go much faster??

I love this man, I want him to succeed…  when is it right to lend a helping hand to the man of your dreams?

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Our expert says:
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Why are you dating someone who doesn't want a relationship ? Why, if he doesn't want a relationship, is he having regular sex with you / Why are you thinking of a baby with such a man ? ANd why does he spend 6nights a week at your place ? Isn't that some sort of relationship ? If you actually love each other, but he doesn't want a relationship right now until he is financially independent, that's admirable --- but why on earth would you want to have a baby which the pair of you can't afford ? By all means support him in achieving his dreams, emotionally at least.
I understand that you would like to help him financially, but if he doesn't want that, would it actually help him ?
And, as the teacher said in that great film The History Boys --- Behind every great man there is a woman--- with a bucket, picking up after him

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Our users say:
Posted by: nicci | 2008/08/05

I have only one question for you, if he doesn' t want to be in a relationship, how can you think of having a baby out of wedlock?

Otherwise support him every way, even if it means here &  there maybe a little bit financialy. He must know you support him in his dreams and ambitions and that he knows you believe in him reaching his dreams and goals.

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